Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Blog 36: My New Updates of Life

So I realize that it's been awhile since I've updated this and so much has happened. Let's make a list shall we??

1) I got to meet and hold my new baby nephew Drake Alan after he was already 2 weeks old. He's absolutely adorable and I love him to death!! Bad news is, he peed on me the first time I held him. How babies pee through their diaper and pants, I don't know.

2) I broke up with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago. I decided that unless he could get himself under control I couldn't handle him either. He's been doing very well just being friends and getting his stuff together. He started therapy and goes every Wednesday at 2 and starting in April he'll be taking anger management classes for a couple hours every week. He's been doing very well and I'm proud of him...he also made new friends and actually has hobbies; which is weird for him so his progress is really good.

3) That guy I had a crush on, well it turned out that he liked me to. He told me, his sister, and his friends that he did and even kissed me a couple times (which was amazing by the way). He promised everyone that he and his ex weren't going to get back together, ever, but it turns out that after he promises me that he'll be there for me and help me open up more that he was going to run to her as soon as she cries for him. I admire his ability to help her after everything she did to him (which is horrible and should not be stated) but I just wish he wouldn't be so fickle. I was upset, yeah, and turns out that someone's going around telling him or his ex that I am and she's telling everyone about it; ridiculous much?? I think so.

4) I now have the dilemma of being one of my only friends without a date to prom now when originally I was one of the only ones that did. Awesome right?? Well, I guess it's not that big of a deal but it's kind of upsetting I guess. I don't even know if I want one or not. I'm kind of to the point where I don't even want to look at guys because I'm tired of dealing with everything. I could go on dates, true, but even that's getting to the ridiculous point because they're all lame and the dates turn out horrible. What to do?? I'll figure something out. I know that the reason everything's going so horrible with dating is because I haven't found the right one yet but still...can't I have a bit of luck??

5) I saw a whole bunch of movies I've never seen: Sucker Punch (simply epic; I'm cosplaying Baby Doll for Willycon), Battle Los Angeles (great action, CGI, and special effects but really cheesy lines; overall good), Jonah Hex (one of my new favorite superheroes), I Spy (funny as hell), Cop Out (not as good as I thought it was going to be but still pretty hilarious), V for Vendetta (probably my new favorite movie ever), Transporter 3 (Jason Statham is amazing), Unstoppable (really great suspense but makes me wonder what kind of engineers we have out there), and The Craft (pretty epic for a 90s movie with good acting). I love updating my movie list, it makes me happy!! I suggest any of these movies for watching; they're all really good. I enjoyed them.

6) I'm going to start watching the anime Soul Eater from the beginning because from the episodes that I've seen I absolutely love it!! My brother wants me to watch it with him and I agreed; we hardly get to do anything together anymore and it's sad. But since we're both such nerds we're going to host a campaign based off of Soul Eater and if anyone's interested let one of us know and we'll see what we can do!! It should be awesome (Bubba's really good at DM-ing).

7) Two of my friends in the Army have news: one of them comes home from deployment over in Afghanistan in late April, early June and the other is going active duty. I pray for both of them because they're good at what they do. Ironically, they're brothers and Cav Scouts together. I also have an older brother over in Afghanistan who isn't coming home until the middle of fall; I also pray for him. Even though we got to see him over Christmas, we miss him dearly. But he's very good at what he does so we don't have to worry too much; he made Sergeant in 2 1/2 years...he's that bomb.

8) I figured out my plans for college and living quarters. I've decided to stay here in Nebraska so I don't have to worry about transfer papers (they're difficult to deal with and take a really long time) and go to Northeast for my generals and then probably go to Wayne State for my majors. They're still the same: Psychology and Criminal Justice. I'll never give up my dream of being a criminal profiler. As for housing, I'm going to get an apartment with one of my friends here in town after my AIT (Advanced Individual Training) to make things easier.

9) School doesn't even have a full month left and graduation is coming nearer every day. I'm not necessarily nervous since I've already graduated from Basic Training (which is a big deal). I'm excited to get out and start new as an adult but I know if I ever need to come back home my mother would welcome me with open arms. I am going to miss friends from school and teachers; I'll have to make sure to stay in touch with everyone I'm not immediate friends with.          

10) I wish that Spring was here already; I'm getting sick and tired of all this snow. You can't do anything!! And I hate the cold; it's horrible!! I can't wait for South Carolina only for it's heat; nice and toasty!! I just want it to be nice that way running doesn't have to be so miserable and hanging out with friends doesn't always have to be inside somewhere; I hate being cooped up for too long.

11) I got to see my 9 year old niece in her first play!! She played a cook in the play Sleeping Beauty, hosted by her school Tri-County and Missoula Children's Theatre. She did great and when I asked her if she was going to keep it up in high school; she said yes!! Which is very exciting. I was definitely proud of her. Funny though that she was 1 of 2 that got flowers; I thought that was custom and courtesy?? But we made her night. She had no idea we were even going down there and didn't see us until the second time she came out but when she did see us; her face lit up like Christmas...it was beautiful.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Blog 35: Poems (in both French and English)


I, from a window where the Meuse is wide,
Looked eastward out to the September night;
The men that in the hopeless battle died
Rose, and deployed, and stationed for the fight;
A brumal army, vague and ordered large
For mile on mile by some pale general,-
I saw them lean by companies to the charge,
But no man living heard the bugle-call.

And fading still, and pointing to their scars,
They fled in lessening clouds, where gray and high
Dawn lay along the heaven in misty bars;
But watching from that eastern casement, I
Saw the Republic splendid in the sky,
And round her terrible head the morning stars.
Founded on: poemhunter.com
 Now for the french version:

I, a partir d'une fenetre ou la Meuse est large,
Vu l'est vers la nuit Septembre;
Les hommes que dans la bataille sans espoir est mort
Rose, et deployees, et stationne a la lutte;
Une armee Brumal, vague et a ordonne la grande
Pour mile sure mile par certains generaux pale, -
Je les ai vu maigre par les entreprises a la charge,
Mais nul homme vivant ne entendu le clairon.

Et encore la decoloration, et pointant vers leurs cicatrices,
Ils se sont enfuis a attenuer les nuages, ou le gris et de haute
Dawn se trouvaient sur le ciel brumeux dans les bars;
Mais en regardant de ce battant l'Est, je
ciel Saw la Republique dans le splendide,
Et autour de sa tete terrible les etoiles du matin.
Since I'm the only French IV student at the Senior High I have to take class with French III students and one of our assignments for next week will be to read a poem in french. This is the english version of what I'll be reading; Mois de Septembre (The Month of September) by Hilaire Belloc. He's an Anglo-Frenchman from the 19th century. This is a poem out of a series of months and it's about the French Revolutionary War. I found it interesting and well written and I hope you do too!
Edgar Allan Poe
Depuis ma prime enfance je ne suis pas comme les autres;
Je ne vois pas ce que les autres voient;
Je n’ai pas su tirer mes passions au puits commun.
Ma tristesse ne provient pas de la même source.
Je n’ai pas su éveiller mon coeur à la même joie;
Tout ce que j’ai aimé, je l’ai aimé seul.
Puis, dans ma enfance, à l’aube d’une vie tourmentée,
c’est de chaque profondeur du bien et du mal,
que fut puisé ce mystère qui m’enchaîne toujours.
Du torrent et de la fontaine,
De la falaise rouge de la montagne,
Du soleil qui roulait autour de moi
En son or automnal,
De l’éclair dans les cieux
Qui me frôlait et s’enfuyait,
Du tonnerre et de l’orage,
Et du nuage qui se métamorphosait
(alors que le reste du ciel était bleu)
En démon à mes yeux.
Founded on schabrieres.wordpress.com
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were---I have not seen
As others saw---I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I lov'd, I loved alone.
Then---in my childhood---in the dawn
Of a most stormy life---was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold---
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by---
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
Founded on poemhunter.com
This doesn't have much significance to any school work, but it's my favorite Edgar Allan Poe poem ever written. He's one of my favorite poets in all of history and literature! This poem is also used in a book that I love to read called Demon in my View by Amelia At-Water Rhodes; one of the books from her vampire series. She's an amazing author and first started writing at the age of 13! You should really check her out and more of Edgar Allan Poe's work!



ELOVED, gaze in thine own heart,
The holy tree is growing there;
From joy the holy branches start,
And all the trembling flowers they bear.
The changing colours of its fruit
Have dowered the stars with merry light;
The surety of its hidden root
Has planted quiet in the night;
The shaking of its leafy head
Has given the waves their melody,
And made my lips and music wed,
Murmuring a wizard song for thee.
There the Loves a circle go,
The flaming circle of our days,
Gyring, spiring to and fro
In those great ignorant leafy ways;
Remembering all that shaken hair
And how the wingèd sandals dart,
Thine eyes grow full of tender care:
Beloved, gaze in thine own heart.
 
Gaze no more in the bitter glass
The demons, with their subtle guile,
Lift up before us when they pass,
Or only gaze a little while;
For there a fatal image grows
That the stormy night receives,
Roots half hidden under snows,
Broken boughs and blackened leaves.
For all things turn to barrenness
In the dim glass the demons hold,
The glass of outer weariness,
Made when God slept in times of old.
There, through the broken branches, go
The ravens of unresting thought;
Flying, crying, to and fro,
Cruel claw and hungry throat,
Or else they stand and sniff the wind,
And shake their ragged wings; alas!
Thy tender eyes grow all unkind:
Gaze no more in the bitter glass.
Founded on poemhunter.com

This also has no significance but I absolutely adore this poem, it's one of my all-time favorites! I've never read anything else by W.B. Yeats, but I'm sure that they're just as amazing! This is also used in an Amelia AtWater-Rhodes novel: Shattered Mirror which is also a great book, you should check it out as well




The Tyger by William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright 
In the forests of the night, 
What immortal hand or eye 
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire? 
And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet? 
What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp? 
When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee? 
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry? 

Founded on poemhunter.com

The Tyger is one of my most favorites out of any poetry list. William Blake was a genius and I'm glad to be knowledgeable in his writings. This is another one used in a different Amelia AtWater-Rhodes novel: Forest of the Night, which name derived from this poem. I've done a reflection on this poem for a class because I enjoy it so much! 

I would add more but I'm pretty sure this blog is way long anyway, so I'll let them inspire you to research poems and find a style that you like. There's literally a poem out there for everything.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Blog 34: Questions Unanswered

So, I have a dilemma. People who read my blog know about my "amazing" boyfriend...well, turns out he's not as amazing as I thought he was. Things have been going downhill for the past three weeks and things are NOT at all how I'd like them to be. He's changed so much and none of it's for the better. I'm split between loving who he was (but I don't think he really is) and wanting to just get away from it all. It got so bad one night that I almost called him by my ex-boyfriend's name because all he and I would do is fight. That's definitely not a good thing. I don't know what to do in this situation; I've never been in this situation before. It would be so much easier if he just cheated on me; that way I'd have a solid reason to never speak to him again. Right now, the only thing that keeps me from talking to him when I don't want to is my excuses that I'm tired or busy. I know it sounds bad on my part to ignore him but if you knew what he was doing, you wouldn't want to talk to him either. The people that know exactly what's going on agree with me; actually, all of them said to break up with him. But I'm afraid that if I do that, then he's going to all psycho-emo-crazy on me and I don't want that on my conscience. It all seems so selfish now that I think about it but at the same time...I just need to get away. To make it all worse, I think I have feelings for someone that I probably shouldn't have feelings for. It's kind of a bad thing and I'm so lost on what to do. My boyfriend and I had so many great plans that were easily attainable but ever since the fighting started, so has all the changes. He wants things that I don't and he's making plans to see them through without asking me if it's okay or if it'll correspond with my plans. We have such different lives and opinions, despite our similar interests, and it's just not working out...but a part of me still wants things to work but I know that they probably won't. And it's not the distance that's doing it, it's just him in general. I have a strong feeling that how he's acting is who he really is and I just didn't realize it before now. I wish things were simple...I really don't want to be in this situation or deal with it but I know that since I'm stuck in it, I know I have to do something about it. What? I don't know the answer to that question yet, but I will.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Blog 33: The World

I dislike how the human race is coming down to: lies, murder, and disaster. You have to dig for good news wherever you are and it doesn't seem fair. We live in such complicated times now-- why can't the world just go back to being simple again? It's hard to understand and tolerate all the violence going on overseas and back here at home, including the harassment teenagers feel the need to put out. Facebook: a great way to keep in contact with those you hardly see and a horrible way to portray your anger. If anyone had honor like they used to, why would they hide behind a computer screen to tell people how much they hate them? But when they face their problems they blame everyone else and whine about how hard everything is; it's ridiculous to me. We are going to ruin ourselves. It started years ago, when we first learned to think and portray emotion, and has escalated fast. With our growing society comes a growing violence. We've all seen it with our own eyes and sometimes it's hard to believe it's actually happening to us. Stopping it is impossible and the continuing of it all is inevitable; we need to find a way to dwindle it. Start with yourself and if everyone focuses on that, then we'll all eventually get to the point where violence isn't needed and lies do not exist. What better world can we all hope for than one with peace and hope? Even as a soldier I pray for that...

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Blog 32: Aunt to the Eighth Power

So on Friday February 4, 2011 at 6:15 p.m. my little nephew was born at Faith Regional Hospital. Even though he was two days overdue he only weighed 6 pounds and 15 ounces, which oddly and miraculously enough matched his birth time. He's absolutely adorable and I'm upset that I have yet to meet him or hold him since I'm sick but when I do, hopefully he'll love me like all my other nieces and nephews do; he's number 8 believe it or not. Starting when I was only a year and a half old my siblings (who are much older than me) had kids. As of now I officially have 5 nieces and 3 nephews. Buffy (35) had Meriah (16), Janisa (9), and Brailey (5); Sherrol (33) had Angelea (10), Samantha (9), and the only other set of twins so far Gage and Cameron (7); and Kevin Jr (26) had the new baby Drake (1 day old). And 2 of my siblings haven't had kids yet and I'm sure Jr's not done so I have a lot more to look forward to.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Blog 31: Being Human

I don't know where to begin about the mind or how it changes. For years I've known who I was and what I wanted out of life and even though I'm still in the process of obtaining these things, I've noticed that I've always settled for the next best thing so to speak. When something good comes along I take, as if climbing a ladder. For a while I'm happier than ever and things seem to be going great, like its going to be "it" but deep down I know that's not the case; I know I'd never stay happy. I take nothing for granted but I allow myself to be happy with something that normally wouldn't only because I'm trying to build onto what I do and do not want. I don't throw myself at situations like these but when they come to me and I find at least something about them appealing, I make them work. In some fields its a good thing to be able to adapt so quickly to my environment but in some it only causes problems. After the time ends where I'm on Cloud 9, completely happy with the situation I'm in, I find myself doubting and second guessing everything. Most of the time after these episodes I end the situation and find myself happier than when I was just starting out but sometimes I stick with it and it turns out to be something great. Now, what I'm not good at, is judging what's going to turn out good or bad. Sometimes I'm completely split down the middle where part of the time I think that ending it would be for the best and the other half I think that it'll work out just fine. With the situation I'm in right now, I've been happy with for months and I've wanted it for years and years but recently things have been getting edgy and everyone just seems so tense that I just don't know what to do about the situation anymore. Its frustrating. I'm happy but at the same time I want to rip my hair out. I think on this one I'm just going to let it go...just see where it takes me; I know I can handle anything that life throws at me. I'll just make sure that I'm in control and when I know it's time to get out, I'll do what I have to.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Blog 30: One Act

So everyone knows that we have this huge assignment to write our own One Act for creative writing and as of now, there aren't that many people who have started let alone have ideas for what they want to do. I felt...what would I call it? Guilty, or something close to that, when I told them that I had my whole plot line drawn out, my characters and descriptions, and even my settings finished; all I had to do was write it out. Out of the two days that I worked on it, I got my climax and most of the falling actions written out; I just need my beginning, rising action, and ending to finish writing up. It's wonderful to be ahead, so much more stress is taken off of my shoulders. Everyone that I've spoken to seems to love my plot and characters; they all said it sounds like a great story. So I'm excited to finish it up, I'm determined to have a rough draft written out by next Friday, so I've got eight days to get it done! I'm happy about the work I've done and I hope it only gets better! By the way, while I'm at it, if anyone needs any ideas or help I'm more than willing to give ideas and help! Just let me know. And everyone, good luck! Once you get past how long it'll take, it's actually very enjoyable and fun to do!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Blog 29: What to do

What do you do when the possibility comes up that you have a greater chance of not doing what you love rather than doing what you don't love? Most people spend their time, especially in growing, thinking and studying things that they love or would love to do with their life; not thinking about things that they don't love. So what's supposed to happen when you're faced with the predicament with having to pick something you don't love for something to do as a living? Do you just suck it up and face it; pretending to love it; or do you grudgingly do it against your will and do it only because you have to? I'm lost...there's so many things that I won't be able to do or would have to do in moderation if Wednesday tells me I can't. Doing what I love, I got injured and may have to have surgery, and I don't find out until Wednesday whether or not I can continue doing what I love. I've thought about what I'd rather do in place of something that I love and it took me a few days to actually finalize what broad category I'd like to do: psychology. Even though I hate paper pushing, it's the only thing I can do if surgery is in line. Whatever it is, I won't be able to push myself like I always do, I'll just have to slide by because going too hard has a high possibility of re-ripping or tearing it. I hate being helpless, even feeling helpless makes me so frustrated. I hate this and even though I pray for the best, I fear the worst is going to happen. Thank you to those that are being so supportive when I'm down, it honestly helps the most on days where I don't know if I can keep it together.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Blog 28: Surprise!






So everyone knows that I've never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day before and well this year I was planning on my mom being my valentine, we even went out to lunch today. Well, this was planned because my boyfriend has to work nights now so he's at work before I get out of school and doesn't get off until late, usually around 10 p.m. So naturally I was in a bad mood all day because I wouldn't get to see him let alone talk to him (thank the Navy for that one) and after school mom was talking to me about it all while bringing me upstairs. I didn't know what she was doing it for so I asked. She laughed and opened my bedroom door and sitting there on my desk was a dozen roses with a card, a giant fuzzy teddy bear whose heart says "I Love You" (the one in the photo), and a box of Russell Stover assorted chocolates. Of course it made me grin and I was blubbering but it only got worse when I read the card; it was from my boyfriend! I started crying and everything; I almost started jumping up and down! He's such a sweetheart, I'll never seize to be amazed by him. The only reason it surprised me so much is because he didn't mention anything about it, even agreeing to celebrate Valentine's Day together when he comes back for my prom (which was his idea). I love him so much! He knows just what to do to make me smile; he's amazing! I can't wait until I see him again, I'm going to tackle hug him for sure. So that bad mood that I was in vanished and I can't seem to stop smiling. Sometimes secrets are a good thing and good surprises definitely make someone's day a lot brighter. Males, take a hint and do something special even if its not Valentine's Day and females, you know you can always do the same thing. I say this almost too much: cherish what you have and never let go.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Blog 27: Sevens in Harry Potter

  • 7 books in the series
  • 7 horcruxes made by Voldemort
  • 7 years at Hogwarts
  • 7 floors of Hogwarts
  • 7 galleons for a wand
  • 7 positions in quidditch
  • 7 tasks in the Sorceror’s Stone
  • 7 potions in task 6
  • 7 Weasley children
  • Ginny is the 1st Weasley girl in 7 generations.
  • Gryffindor beats Slytherin for the house cup for the first time in 7 years in the Sorceror’s Stone
  • 7 books Gilderoy Lockhart requires for DADA (CoS)
  • 7 muggles see Harry and Ron fly the car (CoS)
  • 7 days of Aunt Marge (PoA)
  • Arthur Weasley wins 700 galleons (PoA).
  • 7 tear drops on Hagrid’s letter to Hermione (PoA).
  • 7 people in the Shrieking Shack (PoA): Harry, Hermione, Ron, Sirius, Lupin, Snape, and Pettigrew.
  • Voldemort killed Frank Bryce who was 77 to make the 7th horcrux.
  • 7 locks on Moody’s trunk (GoF)
  • Dobby has 7 socks (GoF)
  • Unicorns don’t turn pure white until they’re 7 years old. (GoF)
  • Harry was “born as the 7th month dies…” (OotP)
  • 7 memories of Tom Riddle (HBP)
  • Harry and Ron get 7 O.W.L.s each (HBP)
  • 7 DADA teachers
  • 7 questions Bellatrix asks Severus in Spinner’s End
  • 7 Harry Potters with 7 Order members
  • 7 races in the wizarding world: Human, Giant, Goblin, Centaur, Elf, Werewolf, Veela
  • There are 142 stairs at Hogwarts which adds to 7 (1+4+2=7)
  • Cleansweep 7
  • Gryffindor Tower is located on the 7th floor
  • Nicholas Flamel and his wife have 7 years age difference
  • 7 hidden passageways out of Hogwarts on the Marauders’ Map
  • Flitwick’s office (where Sirius is locked in PoA) is on the 7th floor
  • 700 ways to commit a foul in Quidditch.
  • The Tri-Wizard Tournament was first established 700 years before it’s appearance in the GoF.
  • Fred and George charge 7 sickles for a canary cream
  • Clause Seven of the Decree states that magic may be used before Muggles in exceptional circumstances
  • The Room of Requirement, used for DA meetings, is on the 7th floor. (OotP)
  • Blaise Zabini’s mother was married 7 times who all died of mysterious circumstances and left her with lots of gold. (HBP)
  • 7 death eaters at the tower in HBP: Draco, Fenrir, Amycus, Alecto, tall blond, Snape, Gibbon as well as 7 members of the Order and the DA: McGonagall, Tonks, Lupin, Neville, Ginny, Hermione, Ron
  • Lily began going out with James in their 7th year at Hogwarts
  • The prophecy is in row 97 in the Department of Mysteries
  • There are 7 Animagi registered with the Improper Use of Magic Office
  • 7 people locked in the Malfoy’s cellar (DH): Ollivander, Luna, Dobby, Harry, Dean, Ron, and Griphook
    founded on quizilla.com

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Blog 26: Amazing Idea

Everyone that knows me well, knows that I love to write my own stories and for years now (since the seventh grade) I've been trying to figure out the plot to a perfect story. I've had so many wonderful ideas that I've tried them all; most of them end up falling apart because I lose the motivation or plot. Just yesterday I was thinking, just thinking, and in my head I came across an amazing idea for a novel that would hopefully enchant people for years to come. It has a universal plot and characters that are so real that they pull at you; making you seem as if you're really with them. I've come up with enough suspense, drama, comedy, action, and romance that it will keep the reader interested throughout the whole story. I'm working on it as of now and am looking to finish a rough draft of the novel by the end of the school year; that leaves me three months so wish me luck!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Blog 25: Memories

So tonight was my last parent teacher conference ever and my mom started crying. I was teasing her at first; which she laughed at mind you; but now I feel bad. At first it didn't make a whole lot of sense why she'd be crying because she's already dealt with my going away for months due to Basic Training but now that I sit here thinking about today, I understand and I want to cry too. I needed to make/buy treats for advisory tomorrow and we had the choice of either brownies or cheesecake. I've made brownies before and then put cheesecake on top of them like the brownies were the crust and it turned out wonderful but we didn't want to do any baking so we decided on cheesecake cups (like cupcakes only with cheesecake and unbaked). They turned out so adorable! But anyway, back to my point, as we were making it all; talking and having a good time; I started to realize that I wouldn't have a lot of moments left like that with just her and me doing something we love together. I wouldn't wake up to her smiling face and a cup of coffee everyday, get kisses when I leave and when I return, get told goodnight with a smile and a kiss before she shuts off the light, etc. All of that will just be memories in a few short months and it makes me more sad than almost anything else. Of course after I move away I'll call her every night (or close to) just to see how she's doing, send emails and letters back and forth and visit when I can. I don't really want to leave her but what I want to do is so far away from here and I know she'd be upset at me if I didn't follow my dreams. She's sad just like I am because her babies are leaving but she knows that she raised us right and that we'll keep in touch as often as possible; I'll never forget her. I almost regret some of the things I've said/done but my mom knows I love her and I know that no matter what she'll love me too and she'll be there whenever I need her; just like I'll be there for her. I never really viewed my mom as a role model because we're so different but now that I'm older I think I appreciate her views more and understand them better than I ever have before. We have our disputes but we always make up right away and now its easier for her to talk to me on a more personal level than just parent to child. I admire my mom for what she's had to go through and how she persevered through it all and she still has strength to be happy. I'm amazed by her, I truly am, and I love her to death. I'll never forget all the times we've shared and when I have kids, I hope I do just as great a job as she did with all of hers. I know she'll be the first I ask for help from when I need it...she's my hero.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Blog 24: Valentine's Day

Valentine's day is supposed to be for lovers, where you spend the day oozing over each other and giving chocolates and paper hearts, but not for me. This year is the first year I'll have a boyfriend on Valentine's day and we can't even spend it together. Lucky for me he's a sweetheart and is going to make time for us to Skype on that day. It's upsetting to look around and see people who have a lover in the same town or less than a few hours away who cry about not being able to see them that afternoon when they get to see them every other day. Even a weekend would be better than not at all. I would give anything to be able to see him for even one day out of the month. Despite his hour phone calls and reasuring words I wish we could be together. To my joy he'll be taking leave time to fly down for my Senior Prom which I'm actually stoked for this year suprising enough. But that week we'll get to spend together out of the months we'll be apart will be absolutely magnificent. I can't wait to see him again. So I think this year for Valentine's day I'm going to take my mom out to dinner and buy her some chocolates and a paper heart; that way we won't feel so alone. So be happy if you have your boyfriend/girlfriend here with you even if you only get to see them on certain days; cherish your time together because you never know how long it'll last. I know I do.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Blog 23: The Truth of a Lonely Heart

Its hard to keep in contact because of our busy schedules and the distance but we still try. I miss you more and more each day; it grows as my love for you does. There's a complete heart in my chest but its hollow without you here beside me. The nights are long and lonely and the days seem to drag; time cannot move fast enough. Its still a full three months before I can see you again and longer still before we can be together without separation. I find myself spacing off during the day, thinking of you as I always do. Lately it's been more than usual. Our love will not die and it never fails to prove its truth but as humans there's always that small doubt in the back of our minds whether we like it or not to be there. Sometimes I think you'll meet someone better than me and what we have will just disappear like dust in the wind but I do know better. You tell me out of honesty how much you love and cherish me (proving it all the while) and how much you look up to me. And I am completely devoted to you. It's upsetting when people say that it's impossible to keep a long distance relationship and that cheating is inevitable. That is not at all the case with you and me; you've said so yourself that its the greatest sin anyone can commit. And since you wanted me to open up and tell you how I really felt, here I am trying again. Simply, I miss you and I love you. Elegant words couldn't sum it up better than that. And the truth is, I'll never stop either.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Blog 22: Proud to say that I've Moved on

I remember the time when the need to see and talk to you, even think about you seemed utterly necessary for my living. But now I frown upon the memories. There was once a time where you were true and I believed every word you said but now when I look at you, I know the lies you shed. Then and now, it hasn't changed a bit; the only thing is you've got a new "girlfriend" to hook you on a leash. I sometimes can't believe how completely naive I was to believe in you or even smile in your direction. My first response was the correct one: run and hide. I should have stayed hating you, it would have been better for us both...for a lot of people. I should thank you I guess for everything that I learned from being with you. I'm glad that I didn't know what I do now when I was with you or else I wouldn't be who I am today. And this way, reborn from all the heartache and sorrow, I can truly love without holding back and it is a grand feeling. I've almost forgetten everything we used to say to one another besides the fighting and the lies so to me that means the "love" we had wasn't important after all. All of this made me realize that it happened to make me stronger but at the same time, the one who truly loves me now wants me to be weaker because he knows its okay to cry. He's slowly helping me become more open with myself and his patience is godlike; I'm coming around. But being picky helped me find the one for me and I'm glad that I was such a hard "ape" about everything because he's beyond perfection and I love him dearly. I could not and would not leave him for anything and I'm sure that forgiving him would be more worth it than all the times I looked up to you. But you see, he doesn't need forgiveness like you did; he only deserves my love and affection. I'm proud of him in ways I couldn't have imagined with you. I wouldn't change a thing about him or the way we are together and I'm never going to be disappointed or a disappointment. He's a wonder and nothing less and I don't need you anymore.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Blog 21: Comic book ideas

So my brother and I have been planning for about a year now to create our own comic book but there's a problem: we don't really know what the plot would be. And everyone knows that everything needs a plot. I've been trying to debate what to do; my mind is blank with ideas. Maybe have it be a zombie based comic book? We definitely don't have enough good ones out there anyway and we're both infatuated with zombies and an apocolypse thereof. There's also been my own idea for a comic which I don't know if he'd want to help with or not set in semi-futuristic time where vampires and werewolves are common but unwelcome and humans have an organization against them (a revised NATO) and there's an epic team of 'heroes' that aren't really heroes but they're the main group of people that save the world. That I have the entire plot line set up for it, so it would be much easier to write out but I'll have to talk to my twin-thing about that. If anyone has any ideas let me know because I'd like to get this thing going and hopefully finished by the end of the year.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Blog 20: Comprendre, c'est Pardoner

<<Comprendre, c'est pardoner>> (to understand is to forgive). I believe that this quote has a great meaning when running the course of life; especially if someone has wronged you. In a world where everyone takes an eye for an eye lost it becomes blind. I understand that it is hard to forgive those who've been against you but how else would you go about being settle and without thoughts of revenge and hatred? Even if you did nothing wrong, when someone else has hurt you, you still feel regret and sorrow. Who wants to feel that way at all, especially for a long time? Why hold grudges when you can forgive and forget? But in order to forget someone you need to understand why they wronged you and if they even meant to at all. Its hard to sit down with someone you've quarreled with and settle things between the two of you but absolutely necessary. We couldn't survive as a society without forgiveness. It is a wonderful attribute and virtue to have forgiveness is. I think that all should strive to be better and if forgiving soemone you hate means doing better, then by all means try to understand. That's the least anyone could do is try to understand the situation. Don't take the judgements you first set on people and use them against that person; not only is it wrong but its absolutely abhoring. Without such things as forgiveness humans are nothing more than the animal counterparts we are less often referred to than we should be; we are the worst of all. At least they know how to be loyal and protect their own and do good with/to the Earth. How are we better than them if we can't do any of that without force? It makes me sick to think about it. "To understand is to forget"...try; its the best anyone can do and without trying we are nothing and who wants to be nothing?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Blog 19: Twisted and Tormented

I hate having to be strong for others when on the inside, I'm breaking down myself. No one gets to see this; I'm supposed to be strong. I'm the dignified "crying shoulder" of my friends and family; it seems everyone has problems to tell me. Whether or not they concern me isn't an issue. Sometimes I just want to scream and cry but that's not allowed of me. And besides, who wants to see that? I know that no one notices when somethings wrong unless there's a physical sign. This blog is likely to get little attention but for those it does get the attention of, its going to make them feel sorry for me (which is nothing I want) and try to pity talk me the next time they see me. I just want someone to be able to be my shoulder; someone who can bare what I have to tell. Its not fair for me to have to carry my own burdens along with many others'; what kind of deal is that? The ones that I think can help don't and the ones that I want to help can't. So what does that leave? Me bottling it up until it gets to the point of overflowing and then let loose. There's enough people in my life that should be able to listen and understand and console me without pity but help is rare and far between when received. I just need someone to talk to and someone to hold me instead of the other way around. I hate crying and I don't do it often and if I do its small tears that are really significant but right now I feel like crying. I want to sob and there's no one here for me to lean on. How does that work? I feel tormented...What others don't seem to realize is that I'm human also. I do have emotions and my own problems which build up stress (which is why I'm always so irritable and frustrated) and no way to release them other than writing which sometimes only makes it worse because I can see the full extent of damage to my mind and heart. What soul can take everything that comes at them and push it off to still maintain their self? I know of none. Even though all this is overbearing, I couldn't stand to be a wall; it would seem unbearable. So what new way of releasing all this kept up feelings is there if there's any at all? I simply don't know. I love it how my mind can be on overdrive to calculate horrible things but when it comes to happiness and creativity its lost. I just want all the suffering to end. Why can't I just be left alone where I want with who and what I want? Even for just a day that would be enough. But life doesn't work that way and I'll have to manage this charade until someone dares to share my weight.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Blog 18: Creativity

Sometimes I think that my creativity has been all used up; especially when I want to do something 'artsy' and nothing comes to mind. There was once a time where I could write whenever I sat down to or draw whenever I was told; now it takes a lot of thinking beforehand and then some more time to prepare an actual piece of work. I don't understand the random blocks that artists have- doesn't it just slow things down for them? Maybe that's why its so hard to make a living as an artist; despite the fall of art in the economy. I'd like to go back to the time where my imagination ran its course with little to no obstacles. I dislike that now it takes more effort to plan a piece than to actually create it; sometimes I don't even care to continue and it's trashed. No matter if it was good or not. This year alone I've drawn only 2 pictures when I would do that in a week or a few days. Its almost sad to me that the reality of growing up is coming into play; a time where your creativity and imagination are in use for ways to get your kids to eat their vegetables or something fun to do with your spouse; maybe something to preoccupy yourself with while at work. I never thought that I would reach a point where the thought process becomes harder than the actual creation; where my mind would dry up and all I could write about was issues in society and topics I pretend to enjoy for the sake of being cynical. Its almost tiresome to keep up the work...but I love to write. I could write about garbage and still enjoy myself...its just the lengthy planning that gets to me. I've always needed an inspiration but those used to come so easy; now I have to really sit there and think about something that's influential. Like today, I'm keeping myself occupied with writing by free writing and watching the snow fall; somehow it works. Maybe because its taking my mind off of creating words sot hat they just flow from my thoughts onto the keys. I realized that if I think too hard about something, it ends up being something I really can't stand once I read it again. Anne Rice had a wonderful quote about not knowing everything you write; that it wasn't possible. I agree that the best way to write is to just write and even if it doesn't make sense when later reading it; it made sense when writing it. To me, that's all that really counts. I know most authors write to give others pleasure, not necessarily themselves but I like to think that writing doesn't always have to be for someone else. Where else does a writer get pleasure from if they can't enjoy their own work? Other's works? That's just starting all over again...Could it be stress that stops me from my ability to create a work on the spot? In psychology we're discussing how stress has both physical and mental effects on a person and I learned that tension is a reaction of stress; like pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth. I never noticed how I did that before today but relaxing does seem to help the flow of everything; words and body. I'll take care not too get too stressed out; maybe that will help more than I think.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Blog 17: The Edited (not new) Zodiac

ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13
TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19
GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20
CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9
LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15
VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30
LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22
SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29
OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17
SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18
CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15
AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11
PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18

According to astrologial principles, the Sun travels from the constellation Scorpius and goes directly into the sign of Sagittarius, but due to the constant motion of the cosmos, the Sun enters, for a few days of the year, the star constellation 'Ophiuchus' before entering Sagittarius from Scorpius, thus creating astrologically the birth of a thirteenth sign of the Zodiac, which is named as Ophiuchus the Serpent Holder. The constellation of Ophiuchus is the only sign of the Zodiac which is linked to a real man. This man lived in ancient Egypt around the 27th century BC, and his name was Imhotep. The attributes of Imhotep can also be found in the Biblical Hebrew man Joseph, son of Jacob.. Imhotep is credited with many accomplishments including the knowledge and use of medicine. It is said of Imhotep that he brought the art of healing to mankind.The symbol of a serpent, which is still widely used today to represent the medical profession, was used to represent Imhotep. Imhotep was also known as 'Aesclepius' to the ancient Greeks.

Found at rah.posterous.com

Me: Supposedly Ophiuchus isn't a new astrological sign; its been around just as long as all the other zodiac signs. There's been debate for years about whether there should be 12 or 13 signs only because of its short lived time seen. Pluto, Venus, and Mercury have all spent time in Ophiuchus therefore its attached to our universe as every other sign has been for centuries. I don't really believe in the superstitions behind zodiac signs so I'm not understanding why everyone is so worked up about having their sign changed; its not technically your sign to begin with its just the time of year you were born under a certain constellation. It makes no difference. Just because I went from being a Scorpio to a Libra (which are two completely different signs and personalities mind you) doesn't mean I'm going to change because my sign did; I am who I am and you are who you are. In my opinion all the personality traits and happenings that come from the signs were just someone's use of the signs because as humans we naturally try to find explanations behind everything even if there isn't one. They mean nothing. If something has ever fit, who knows if it was because of your sign or because it was what was to happen all along? And as for personality definitions, people will change themselves without their knowing to be more like people tell them that they are or aren't; it makes no difference people change because they have to in some form or another. Call me old fashioned or cynical, whatever, but its all just made up! Just like the Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Blog 16: Fairy Tales

The Origin of Fairy Tales

"However, once Upon a Time, fairy tales weren't written for children. In spite of their name, the popular fairy tales usually have very little to do with fairies. We took the name from the French "contes des fee", and the French literary fairy tales of the 17th century do feature far more fairies than the tales which are best-known today. The Grimm brothers collected the folk tales of the German people to make up their volume, but fairy tales are more than just folk tales. The German term for them is "M�rchen", a word for which there is no satisfactory English equivalent - it is the diminutive of M�r, a story or a tale, and has come to mean a story of wonder and enchantment, as the fairy tale is. 

Although large numbers of literary fairy tales were written in 17th century France, most of the tales which are still told and retold now are far older in origin. Many of the stories were edited and changed as they were written down, removing the darker and more gruesome elements of the stories. The intended audience of the stories has also changed. Perrault's collection of tales was written to be presented at the court of Versailles, and each tale ended with a moralistic verse. At the same time, literary fairy tales of great imagination and invention, often quite cruel and gruesome, were being created by the women surrepticiously rebelling against the contraints placed on them by their restrictive society. They were not written for children." 

Found at bobhuang.com

Me: So why is it that fairy tales are now fantasies for children when they were originally a political/social statement for women? I guess it does explain the romance and sophistication of each fairy tale. This is includes Cinderella which has over 340 variations from around the world. I'd say that Cinderella is the most popular fairy tale only because of its magic and happy ending.

"Much has been written on the subject of Cinderella, perhaps because it has become such a big part of American culture. Some have written about it as a reworking of Shakespeare's "King Lear", where a daughter is cast out by her father because she is misunderstood. The small slipper is said to symbolize the beauty of Cinderella, because small feet were said to be a virtue of femininity. Psychoanalysis from the Freudian viewpoint has considered Cinderella's relationship to her father and her stepmother, and her eventual overtaking of power from the stepmother. The feminist viewpoint has been that the story has exemplified ideals for women in America, particularly in the 1950s, when the film versions were released; the idea of being rewarded for being pretty and polite, and marrying not just anyone but a "prince," is looked upon as part of the message taught to women from the 1950s onward. The evolution of traditional fairy tales will continue as a trend."

Found at bobhuang.com

Me: Originally Cinderella was my least favorite fairy tale because of how over popular it is and the cliche story but now that I know the history and actual meaning of the western version which we are most familiar with, I appreciate it more for its political and historical value. And although my opinion has changed it still doesn't change the fact that this story is a bit stretched for everyday women; after all it is a fantasy. To me they were transformed into children stories to give children hope and something to believe in. A child's imagination is one of the beauties in this world and without it we'd all be lost. Children are in their own way magical and its only natural for us to want to give them something magical to believe in such as fairy tales. For the longest time I didn't believe in them because of my slightly cynical view on the world but things change...things always change. Someone special to me made me believe again only because of how absolutely wonderful they are; they changed my entire view of the human race once again. Maybe its not as bad as the news makes it sound or as immature and wild as reality television portrays. I've learned a lot of things and a lot of my opinions have changed now that I'm older and what I feel about fairy tales such as Cinderella has. Now is the time to tie what I love to something I've learned to respect. Onto writing my reenactment of Cinderella!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Blog 15: Arcitc Monkeys


Me: I'm obsessed with this song and I think that everyone should check it out; its pretty amazing. Here is a video to I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor by the Arctic Monkeys and the lyrics below! They started in 2006 but they have a really old-rock style and I love it!

[verse]
Stop making the eyes at me,
I'll stop making the eyes at you.
What it is that surprises me is that I don't really you to
And your shoulders are frozen (as cold as the night)
Oh, but you're an explosion but you're dynamite
Your name isn't Rio, but I don't care for sand
Lightning the fuse might in a bang with a bang-go

[chorus]
I said I bet that you look good on the dance floor
I don't know if you're looking for romance or what
Don't know what you're looking for
Well I bet that you look good on the dance floor
Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984
from 1984!

[verse]
I wish you'd stop ignoring me because you're sending me to despair,
Without a sound yeh you're calling me and I don't think it's very fair
That your shoulders are frozen (as cold as the night)
Oh, but you're an explosion (You're dynamite)
Your name isn't Rio but I don't care for sand
Lighting the fuse might result in a bang with a bang-go

[chorus]
I said I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
I don't know if you're looking for romance or what
I don't know what you're looking for
I said I bet that you look good on the dance floor
Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984
From 1984!


Video found at  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGCre4HgPLU

Blog 14: Favorite Grecian/Roman Myth

Psyche and Eros

The name "Psyche" means "Soul" and her union with Eros (aka Cupid) tells the story of how Love and Soul came to be together. By the way, this story is Roman, not Greek, but it works just as well with the Greek, so that is how I shall tell it. This myth had an enormous impact on fairy tales for the next couple of thousand years. Long, long ago a king had three daughters. Psyche, who was the youngest of the three daughters, was so incredibly beautiful that people in her village and outlying areas stopped praying to Aphrodite, taking Psyche for the Goddess of Beauty instead. That wasn't too good, because Aphrodite got mighty pissed off, and when that happens, you don't want to be on her bad side. She went straight to the source: the innocent Psyche. She grabbed Eros (in this version he is her son) and instructed him to make poor Psyche fall in love with the ugliest man on Earth. Eros, who had done jobs like this on his mother's behalf before, went down to Earth to find her. But when he did he, too, was stunned by her beauty. He was so stunned that as he lay his golden arrow on her heart, he pricked himself and fell in love with her then and there. He was so in love that he erased all of what he had done to her, and went away.After a while Aphrodite realized that her darling son hadn't quite done his job, for Psyche wasn't falling for anyone, let alone someone hideous. So, Aphrodite sent down a spell of her own on Psyche. As soon as this happened, not another suitor knocked upon their door. Her parents got worried; they wanted their youngest daughter to be a rich noblewoman at least. Psyche's mother, the queen, went off to the Oracle to hear what was wrong.
"Psyche will never marry a mortal. She shall be given to one who waits for her on yonder mountain; he overcomes Gods and men."

Poor parents, poor Psyche! It seemed that she was destined to marry a monster. No one wanted to let her go. Whether because of her physical beauty or the beauty of her soul, everyone LOVED Psyche. Psyche, however, saw the futility of her situation, and knew that she had angered Aphrodite, however mistakenly. She accepted what the Fates had decreed and told her parents to take her to the mountain and leave her for the beast. After many denials, they finally agreed and most of the country accompanied her to her supposed death. As she watched them leave, her heart cried out in sorrow and though she stayed firm with courage she could not stop the tear from trickling down her cheek. Zephyr, the kindly West Wind, saw her sorrow and bore her away to the valley below the mountain into soft grass in place of the harsh rock of the mountaintop. It was there that she woke. When she woke, she didn't see any monster around her but she did see a lush looking forest. Eager for the protection it could offer she went in. As she entered she heard the sound of water and followed it. Deeper and deeper into the forest she went until she found a bright pool with a fountain, and beyond it a beautiful palace. Then she heard a voice around her, its speaker invisible, telling Psyche that the palace was hers, and the invisible servants around her were to do her bidding. She was delighted and ran all around the palace finding all sorts of wonderful things waiting for her. At last she was tired and hungry and before she could ask a beautiful breakfast was laid out before her. That evening the palace grew dark and a new voice spoke to her. It was her husband! This voice was kind and loving, and she couldn't imagine that it was that of a monster. But that didn't stop her from wanting to see him. She begged him again and again to come in the daylight, but again and again he sadly refused telling her that the day she saw him was the day their happiness came to an end. It was Eros, of course, but he couldn't tell HER that. Eros was very kind to Psyche in every way that he could be - giving her invisible servants to wait on her every wish - but he never ever let her see his face, ominously warning her that the day she did it would be over. Psyche, though kind and happy with her mysterious husband, was a woman, and with that came an almost insatiable curiosity (according to the Greeks, and the Christians, and most others). She was afraid that she was married to a monster, and wanted to know his true visage. One night she told him that she missed her family, and could they be allowed to visit her, please? Eros heard the loneliness in her voice and agreed, but he knew that this would be their downfall. When her sisters arrived they were very eager to hear about her new life, and asked all about her husband. But when they heard of her arrangement they laughed at her and told her that they had heard she was married to a dragon who was fattening her up now, but would soon eat her. They urged her to take out the lamp one nights and look at him while he slept, carrying a dagger that she might kill him if he was indeed a dragon. At first she held out, remembering the warnings of her husband, but in the end curiosity won out, for she could keep the mocking voices of her sisters from her head. Finally, one night Eros went to sleep as usual, but Psyche remained awake. She took the oil lamp and lit it looking onto his face. Immediately she recognized his godliness and realized what had been going on. She was filled once again with love and contrition and worship, finally knowing who her husband was. But in her shock her hands trembled and she spilled some of the oil onto her lover. Eros awoke and saw the lamp and Psyche's sorrow and realized what she had done. He gave a cry of grief and then flew out the window. She realized now that she was truly abandoned for as she looked around her the palace had disappeared and she was again in the middle of the wood. Now begins a different part of the story. Psyche realized what she had done, but she was not about to give up her Love (literally) when she had just truly found it. On her own feet, she traveled to the houses of her sisters, married to their princes, and told the story of her treachery and its penalty. From there she left again, traveling she knew not where, only in search of her husband. At the end of the day she came upon a deserted hall filled with ears of corn and barley and wheat strewn all across the floor. Immediately she began picking up the mess and putting it together in a beautiful and decorative manner, making the deserted hall more like a temple. That is in fact what it was, and as she worked Demeter watched her, smiling at the goodness of her Soul. When Psyche had finished, Demeter appeared before her and said:

“Psyche, you are worthy of happiness, and you may yet have it. Go now to the temple of Aphrodite and pray for her forgiveness, perhaps she will reward your patience.”

Psyche was astonished that such an important goddess would show her favor, and left at once to do her bidding. She went to the temple of Aphrodite and humbly offered her prayer. But the jealous Aphrodite would not look at Psyche and said that if she truly desired repentance for her sins there was work enough. Saying this she led her into a room full of mixed grain, beans and lentils (the food of doves, Aphrodite's sacred bird), and bade Psyche sort them all into piles before the night was over. There was too much for Psyche to do on her own, but she settled down to do it anyway. As she was working a long train of ants came out of the crack in the wall, and helped her separate the piles. With their help the piles were separated by morning. Aphrodite returned to find the work done, and was even more angry, realizing that her son Eros had helped the girl. But instead of just sending the girl away, Aphrodite gave her some black bread and bade her sleep, saying she would need her wit for her next task. The next morning Psyche awoke to Aphrodite's impatient waiting.

“Go now to yonder grove where the sheep with the golden fleece are wont to browse. Bring me a golden lock from every one of them, or you must go your ways and never come back again.”

Then Aphrodite left her and Psyche prepared to cross the stream to the grove. But as she waded into the water the reeds swayed and the Naiads called out to her:

"Nay, nay, have a care, Psyche. This flock has not the gentle ways of sheep. While the sun burns aloft, they are themselves as fierce as flame; but when the shadows are long, they go to rest and sleep, under the trees; and you may cross the river without fear and pick the golden fleece off the briers in the pasture."

Psyche thanked the nymphs and did as they bade, and when Aphrodite returned Psyche gave her the fleece she had requested. Aphrodite was more enraged than ever, and cursed her son again for his help. This time she turned on Psyche, thrust a small box at her, and told her to descend to Persephone, the cold Queen of the Underworld, and bring back some of her beauty in the box - for Aphrodite was growing tired in tending her son. Poor Psyche, she knew what Aphrodite knew, that no human could venture to the Underworld and return. And she realized the Eros must have forsaken her, and held no more value to her own life, turning and preparing to make her descent. But as she prepared another voice whispered in her ear - it was Eros, but she did not know - and told her all the ways to avoid the dangers of the Underworld, and warned her also not to open the box once Persephone's beauty was inside. Psyche did as she was told, and before she knew it she was back in the sunlight on Gaia carrying the box. But as she traveled she thought to herself, Aphrodite does not need the beauty, but how will I please Eros as travel-worn as I am. And so she opened the box. But the spells of Gods are not meant for mortals and as she opened the box Psyche fell unconscious upon the ground. But Eros had recovered by now and was scouring the countryside for her. Soon he found her, woke her up and bade her return to Aphrodite and wait for him. Happily she did so, while Eros went to Olympus. On Olympus he told the feasting Gods his story, and begged them to appease to angry mother. The Gods, taken with the pure beauty of the tale agreed and summoned Aphrodite, soothing her until she was no longer angry. Then Hermes, the Messenger God, descended to Earth and brought Psyche back with him to Olympus. Once there, the gods bid the shy maiden to take the cup of ambrosia that Hebe held out to her. She took it, and upon drinking it blossomed into the fairest thing you've ever seen. Eros took her in his arms, and from that day on the two were never parted again.

Story from www.paleothea.com (edited version of the original story)

Me: This is my favorite myth because it is one of the only happy ending stories out of all the myths and because it teaches us that true love prevails through all, including evil (which in this case is Aphrodite). In a sense it is an original twist of Romeo and Juliet. I'm not a big fan of Romeo and Juliet only because the characters irritate me. In the story of Psyche and Eros there is love, hate, worship, fighting for what you believe, etc. It also teaches us a lesson about trust and loyalty which are two of the most important values. All round its a balanced story. Besides, all the other stories involve adultery and murder.

Note: In over 90% of the Greek myths Zeus cheats on his wife Hera with one or more creatures (male, female and animals). He's definitely not a one-woman-man and what I don't understand is why Hera takes her wrath out on the victims rather than her no good husband who deserves loads of punishment for his deeds. This is also another reason why the other myths don't appeal to me as much as this story of Psyche and Eros; Zeus isn't involved.

Blog 13: Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?

I'm not sure if there's a real answer to this question but in my opinion the only thing that ties them together is Edgar Allan Poe; he wrote on both. Not literally wrote on a raven but about a raven in not just his poem The Raven but also in many of his other works and he wrote on a desk (the one he also mentions in some of his pieces). Technically the two have nothing in common unless you want to go into details about the desk like its color or style which could relate it to a raven but other than that, there's nothing at all that comes to mind. Poe is just about the only thing that ties the two together; so there's my answer. I do wonder though, what made Lewis Caroll think about this? Its just an odd thing...but I guess if you think about it, the whole story of Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass is quite strange as well. I'm sure it all has a meaning behind it, whatever it is.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Blog 12: The Best of Anne Rice (Quotes)

“No matter how long we exist, we have our memories. Points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of ther beauty or their splendor. Rather they remain as hard as gems.”

“You do have a story inside you; it lies articulate and waiting to be written -- behind your silence and your suffering.”

“A writer can’t know everything about what she writes. It’s impossible. You reach deep down and you bring up what feels absolutely authentic to you as you move along with the book but you don’t know everything about it. You can’t.”

"None of us really changes over time. We only become more fully what we are."

"The world changes, we do not, therein lies the irony that kills us."

"Give me a man or woman who has read a thousand books and you give me an interesting companion. Give me a man or woman who has read perhaps three and you give me a very dangerous enemy indeed." 

"I have lived lies. I have done it again and again. I live lies because I cannot endure the weakness of anger, and I cannot admit the irrationality of love.-Marius"

"Ignore any loss of nerve, ignore and loss of self-confidence, ignore any doubt or confusion. Move on believing in love, in peace, and harmony, and in great accomplishment. Remember joy isn't a stranger to you. You are winning and you are strong. Love. Love first, love always, love forever. "

"To write something you have to risk making a fool of yourself."

"There is one purpose to life and one only: to bear witness to and understand as much as possible of the complexity of the world- its beauty, its mysteries, its riddles." 

"And what constitutes evil, real evil, is the taking of a single human life. Whether a man would die tomorrow or the day after or eventually... it doesn't matter. Because if God does not exist, then life... every second of it... Is all we have."

"The truth is, laughter always sounds more perfect than weeping. Laughter flows in a violent riff and is effortlessly melodic. Weeping is often fought, choked, half strangled, or surrendered to with humiliation." 

"We're frightened of what makes us different."

"One moment the world is as it is. The next, it is something entirely different. Something it has never been before."

"People who cease to believe in God or goodness altogether still believe in the devil... Evil is always possible. And goodness is eternally difficult."

"Whatever will happen will happen, but choose your companions with care. Choose them because you like to look at them and you like the sound of their voices, and they have profound secrets in them that you wish to know. In other words, choose them because you love them. Otherwise you will not be able to bear their company for very long."

"We all suffer under a curse, the curse that we know more than we can endure, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing we can do about the force and the lure of this knowledge."

"when we are weary, we speak lovingly of dreams as if they embodied our true deisres-What we WOULD have when that which we DO have so sorely disappoints us"

"And then it was, that grief and pain made themselves known to me as never before. Note this, because I knew the full absurdity of Fate and Fortune and Nature more truly than a human can bear to know it. And perhaps the description of this, brief as it is, may give consolation to another. The worst takes its time to come, and then to pass. The truth is, you cannot prepare anyone for this, nor convey an understanding of it through language. It must be known. And this I would wish on no one in the world."

"And the light shineth in darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. (John 1)"

"Heaven would be Hell in no time if every cruel, selfish, vicious soul went to Heaven."

"We can't stand it, to be alone. We cannot bear it, any more than the monks of old could bear it, men who though they had renounced all else for Christ's sake, nevertheless came together in congregations to be with one another, even as they enforced upon themselves the harsh rules of single solitary cells and unbroken silence. They couldn't bear to be alone.

We are too much men and women; we are yet formed in the image of the Creater, and what can we say of Him with any certainty except that He, whoever He may be--Christ, Yahweh, Allah--He made us, did He not, because even He in His Infinite Perfection could not bear to be alone."

"Suppose death had a heart to love and to release you, to whom would he turn this passion, would you chose a person from the crowd there. A person to suffer as you suffer."

"To be godless is probably the first step to innocence," he said, "to lose the sense of sin and subordination, the false grief for things supposed to be lost."
So by innocence you mean not an absence of experience, but an absence of illusions."
An absence of need for illusions," he said. "A love of and respect for what is right before your eyes."

"We can't stand it, to be alone. We cannot bear it, any more than the monks of old could bear it, men who though they had renounced all else for Christ's sake, nevertheless came together in congregations to be with one another, even as they enforced upon themselves the harsh rules of single solitary cells and unbroken silence. They couldn't bear to be alone.

We are too much men and women; we are yet formed in the image of the Creater, and what can we say of Him with any certainty except that He, whoever He may be--Christ, Yahweh, Allah--He made us, did He not, because even He in His Infinite Perfection could not bear to be alone."

"The finest thing under the sun and moon is the human soul. I marvel at the small miracles of kindness that pass between humans, I marvel at the growth of conscience, at the persistence of reason in the face of all superstition or despair. I marvel at human endurance."

"How pathetic it is to describe these things which can't truly be described."

“And all around me in this world I see evidence of love. I see love. I see it in the human struggle. I see its undeniable penetration in all that humans have accomplished in their poetry, their painting, their music, their love of one another and refusal to accept suffering as their lot."

"I am not times fool, nor a god hardened by the millennia; I am not the trickster in the black cape nor the sorrowful wanderer. I have a conscience. I know right from wrong I know what I do and yes, I do it.” 

"Very few beings really seek knowledge in this world. Mortal or immortal, few really ask. On the contrary, they try to wring from the unknown the answers they have already shaped in their own minds - justifications, confirmations, forms of consolation without which they can't go on. To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner."

"Don't be a pawn in somebody's game. Find the attitude which gives you the maximum strength and the maximum dignity, no matter what else is going on"

"In the moment of surrender, I let go of all the theological or social questions which had kept me from Him for countless years. I simply let them go. There was the sense, profound and wordless, that if He knew everything I did not have to know everything, and that, in seeking to know everything, I'd been, all of my life, missing the entire point. No social paradox, no historic disaster, no hideous record of injustice or misery should keep me from Him. No question of Scriptural integrity, no torment over the fate of this or that atheist or gay friend, no worry for those condemned and ostracized by my church or any other church should stand between me and Him….I didn't have to know how He was going to save the unlettered and the unbaptized, or how He would redeem the conscientious heathen who had never spoken His name. I didn't have to know how my gay friends would find their way to Redemption or how my hardworking secular humanist friends could or would receive the power of His Saving Grace. I didn't have to know why good people suffered agony or died in pain. He knew. And it was his knowing that overwhelmed me…"

"It didn't matter if God in his heaven was a Catholic or a Protestant God, or the God of the Hindus. What mattered was something deeper and older and more powerful than any such image - it was a concept of goodness based upon the affirmation of life, the turning away from destruction, from the perverse, from man using and abusing man. It was the affirmation of the human and the natural."

"So until we meet again, I am thinking of you always; I love you; I wish you were here...in my arms."

"Sometimes fear is a warning. It's like someone putting a hand on your shoulder and saying Go No Farther."

"There are so many books I mean to read, and things I mean to see."

"… in the relentless and meaningless manner one searches for something in a nightmare, coming on doors that won’t open or drawers that won’t shut, struggling over and over against the same meaningless thing, not knowing why the effort seems so desperate, why the sudden sight of a chair with a shawl thrown over it inspires the mind with horror. "

"A singer can shatter glass with the proper high note,' he said, 'but the simplest way to break glass is simply to drop it on the floor."

"Men and women are learning animals. If you do not see what they have learned, you're blind. They are creatures ever changing, ever improving, ever expanding their vision and the capacity of their hearts. You are not fair to them when you speak of this as the most bloody century; you are not seeing the light that shines ever more radiantly on account of the darkness; you are not. seeing the evolution of the human soul!… …True, what you say about war. Yes, and the cries of the dying, I too have heard them; we have all heard them, through all the decades; and even now, the world is shocked by daily reports of armed conflict. But it is the outcry against these horrors which is the light I speak of; it's the attitudes which were never possible in the past. It is the intolerance of thinking men and women in power who for the first time in the history of the human race truly want to put an end to injustice in all forms."

"We live in a world full of accidents finally in which on aesthetic principles have a consistency of which we can be sure. Right and wrong we will struggle with forever striving to create and maintain an ethical balance. Right and wrong we will struggle with forever, striving to create and maintain an ethical balance; but the shimmer of summer rain under the street lamps or the great flashing glare of artillery against a night sky – such brutal beauty is beyond dispute."

"When you find out there is no ultimate good and evil in which you can place your faith, the world does not fall apart at the seams. It simply means that every decision is more difficult, more critical, because you are creating the good and evil yourself and they are very real."

"Go where the pleasure is in your writing. Go where the pain is. Write the book you would like to read. Write the book you have been trying to find but have not found. But write. And remember, there are no rules for our profession. Ignore rules. Ignore what I say here if it doesn't help you. Do it your own way. Every writer knows fear and discouragement. Just write.The world is crying for new writing. It is crying for fresh and original voices and new characters and new stories. If you won't write the classics of tomorrow, well, we will not have any."

"My faith in Christ is central to my life. My conversion from a pessimistic atheist lost in a world I didn't understand, to an optimistic believer in a universe created and sustained by a loving God is crucial to me. But following Christ does not mean following His followers. Christ is infinitely more important than Christianity and always will be, no matter what Christianity is, has been, or might become."

"Knowledge drifts in and out of my mind", said Lestat with a little look of honest distress and a shake of his head. "I devour it and then I lose it and sometimes I can't reach for any knowledge that I ought to possess. I feel desolate, but then knowledge returns or I seek it out in a knew source."

But you love books, then,” Aunt Queen was saying. I had to listen.

“Oh, yes,” Lestat said. “Sometimes they are the only thing that keeps me alive.”

“What a strange thing to say at your age,” she laughed.

“No, but one can feel desperate at any age, don’t you think? The young are eternally desperate,” he said frankly. “And books, they offer one hope —- that a whole universe might open up from between the covers, and falling into that new universe, one is saved.”

"We have such a terrible, terrible misconception of science. We think it involves the definite, the precise, the known; it is a horrid series of gates to an unknown as vast of the universe; which means endless."

"It is an awful truth that suffering can deepen us, give a greater luster to our colors, a richer resonance to our words. That is, if it doesn't destroy us, if it doesn't burn away the optimism and the spirit, the capacityt for visions, and the respect for simple yet indispensable things."

Found at www.goodreads.com



Monday, January 10, 2011

Blog 11: Judge, Jury, and Executioner/Side Note

I'm faced with a predicament: I know what I want in life and how to obtain and manage it but its going to be frowned upon by many and misunderstood. I swore to myself and others that I would do what I wanted in life no matter what because nothing should be an obstacle. This is how I plan to go about handling my situation with my head held high. But I'm not looking forward to having to explain myself to everyone and besides, the majority of them wouldn't understand it anyway so in a sense I'd be wasting my time and breath. I'm debating with myself if it would be better to tell everyone what's going on and why or if I should just remain silent about it all and let them think what they want. I guess they'd think what they'd want to anyway no matter what I said. You see my dilemma now: no matter what I say its not going to make the situation any better but I don't want people to get the wrong idea about the whole thing. I'm afraid that even the ones I'm closest to are still going to get it wrong and judge me...I don't know if I could handle that.This has been eating away at me for a few days now and I'm still unsure of what I should do. I feel as though even if its a waste I should explain the truth to those who criticize and let them think of me how they will; for better or for worse. Because what I'm doing with my life will not be changed or influenced by someone else's thoughts about it; that I will not allow. I have freedom and I'm going to use it to my fullest advantage (just as everyone else should).

On another note, I still find it interesting and kind of odd that by writing down your mental battles, rants and raves, it seems to clear it all up and make things better. I never actually expected that by doing so it would help. I mean, I've wrote out some of my more personal arguments and objections through someone else's point of view in a story but this is a bit different because its myself. And as I go back and re-read my previous blogs I find that how my mind works amazes me because it ranges from silly to serious and everything in between; its weird to think that I was the one who actually wrote them. I wouldn't give up writing for anything.