Blog 31: Being Human

I don't know where to begin about the mind or how it changes. For years I've known who I was and what I wanted out of life and even though I'm still in the process of obtaining these things, I've noticed that I've always settled for the next best thing so to speak. When something good comes along I take, as if climbing a ladder. For a while I'm happier than ever and things seem to be going great, like its going to be "it" but deep down I know that's not the case; I know I'd never stay happy. I take nothing for granted but I allow myself to be happy with something that normally wouldn't only because I'm trying to build onto what I do and do not want. I don't throw myself at situations like these but when they come to me and I find at least something about them appealing, I make them work. In some fields its a good thing to be able to adapt so quickly to my environment but in some it only causes problems. After the time ends where I'm on Cloud 9, completely happy with the situation I'm in, I find myself doubting and second guessing everything. Most of the time after these episodes I end the situation and find myself happier than when I was just starting out but sometimes I stick with it and it turns out to be something great. Now, what I'm not good at, is judging what's going to turn out good or bad. Sometimes I'm completely split down the middle where part of the time I think that ending it would be for the best and the other half I think that it'll work out just fine. With the situation I'm in right now, I've been happy with for months and I've wanted it for years and years but recently things have been getting edgy and everyone just seems so tense that I just don't know what to do about the situation anymore. Its frustrating. I'm happy but at the same time I want to rip my hair out. I think on this one I'm just going to let it go...just see where it takes me; I know I can handle anything that life throws at me. I'll just make sure that I'm in control and when I know it's time to get out, I'll do what I have to.