Blog 34: Questions Unanswered

So, I have a dilemma. People who read my blog know about my "amazing" boyfriend...well, turns out he's not as amazing as I thought he was. Things have been going downhill for the past three weeks and things are NOT at all how I'd like them to be. He's changed so much and none of it's for the better. I'm split between loving who he was (but I don't think he really is) and wanting to just get away from it all. It got so bad one night that I almost called him by my ex-boyfriend's name because all he and I would do is fight. That's definitely not a good thing. I don't know what to do in this situation; I've never been in this situation before. It would be so much easier if he just cheated on me; that way I'd have a solid reason to never speak to him again. Right now, the only thing that keeps me from talking to him when I don't want to is my excuses that I'm tired or busy. I know it sounds bad on my part to ignore him but if you knew what he was doing, you wouldn't want to talk to him either. The people that know exactly what's going on agree with me; actually, all of them said to break up with him. But I'm afraid that if I do that, then he's going to all psycho-emo-crazy on me and I don't want that on my conscience. It all seems so selfish now that I think about it but at the same time...I just need to get away. To make it all worse, I think I have feelings for someone that I probably shouldn't have feelings for. It's kind of a bad thing and I'm so lost on what to do. My boyfriend and I had so many great plans that were easily attainable but ever since the fighting started, so has all the changes. He wants things that I don't and he's making plans to see them through without asking me if it's okay or if it'll correspond with my plans. We have such different lives and opinions, despite our similar interests, and it's just not working out...but a part of me still wants things to work but I know that they probably won't. And it's not the distance that's doing it, it's just him in general. I have a strong feeling that how he's acting is who he really is and I just didn't realize it before now. I wish things were simple...I really don't want to be in this situation or deal with it but I know that since I'm stuck in it, I know I have to do something about it. What? I don't know the answer to that question yet, but I will.