Blog 18: Creativity

Sometimes I think that my creativity has been all used up; especially when I want to do something 'artsy' and nothing comes to mind. There was once a time where I could write whenever I sat down to or draw whenever I was told; now it takes a lot of thinking beforehand and then some more time to prepare an actual piece of work. I don't understand the random blocks that artists have- doesn't it just slow things down for them? Maybe that's why its so hard to make a living as an artist; despite the fall of art in the economy. I'd like to go back to the time where my imagination ran its course with little to no obstacles. I dislike that now it takes more effort to plan a piece than to actually create it; sometimes I don't even care to continue and it's trashed. No matter if it was good or not. This year alone I've drawn only 2 pictures when I would do that in a week or a few days. Its almost sad to me that the reality of growing up is coming into play; a time where your creativity and imagination are in use for ways to get your kids to eat their vegetables or something fun to do with your spouse; maybe something to preoccupy yourself with while at work. I never thought that I would reach a point where the thought process becomes harder than the actual creation; where my mind would dry up and all I could write about was issues in society and topics I pretend to enjoy for the sake of being cynical. Its almost tiresome to keep up the work...but I love to write. I could write about garbage and still enjoy myself...its just the lengthy planning that gets to me. I've always needed an inspiration but those used to come so easy; now I have to really sit there and think about something that's influential. Like today, I'm keeping myself occupied with writing by free writing and watching the snow fall; somehow it works. Maybe because its taking my mind off of creating words sot hat they just flow from my thoughts onto the keys. I realized that if I think too hard about something, it ends up being something I really can't stand once I read it again. Anne Rice had a wonderful quote about not knowing everything you write; that it wasn't possible. I agree that the best way to write is to just write and even if it doesn't make sense when later reading it; it made sense when writing it. To me, that's all that really counts. I know most authors write to give others pleasure, not necessarily themselves but I like to think that writing doesn't always have to be for someone else. Where else does a writer get pleasure from if they can't enjoy their own work? Other's works? That's just starting all over again...Could it be stress that stops me from my ability to create a work on the spot? In psychology we're discussing how stress has both physical and mental effects on a person and I learned that tension is a reaction of stress; like pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth. I never noticed how I did that before today but relaxing does seem to help the flow of everything; words and body. I'll take care not too get too stressed out; maybe that will help more than I think.