Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Blog 36: My New Updates of Life

So I realize that it's been awhile since I've updated this and so much has happened. Let's make a list shall we??

1) I got to meet and hold my new baby nephew Drake Alan after he was already 2 weeks old. He's absolutely adorable and I love him to death!! Bad news is, he peed on me the first time I held him. How babies pee through their diaper and pants, I don't know.

2) I broke up with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago. I decided that unless he could get himself under control I couldn't handle him either. He's been doing very well just being friends and getting his stuff together. He started therapy and goes every Wednesday at 2 and starting in April he'll be taking anger management classes for a couple hours every week. He's been doing very well and I'm proud of him...he also made new friends and actually has hobbies; which is weird for him so his progress is really good.

3) That guy I had a crush on, well it turned out that he liked me to. He told me, his sister, and his friends that he did and even kissed me a couple times (which was amazing by the way). He promised everyone that he and his ex weren't going to get back together, ever, but it turns out that after he promises me that he'll be there for me and help me open up more that he was going to run to her as soon as she cries for him. I admire his ability to help her after everything she did to him (which is horrible and should not be stated) but I just wish he wouldn't be so fickle. I was upset, yeah, and turns out that someone's going around telling him or his ex that I am and she's telling everyone about it; ridiculous much?? I think so.

4) I now have the dilemma of being one of my only friends without a date to prom now when originally I was one of the only ones that did. Awesome right?? Well, I guess it's not that big of a deal but it's kind of upsetting I guess. I don't even know if I want one or not. I'm kind of to the point where I don't even want to look at guys because I'm tired of dealing with everything. I could go on dates, true, but even that's getting to the ridiculous point because they're all lame and the dates turn out horrible. What to do?? I'll figure something out. I know that the reason everything's going so horrible with dating is because I haven't found the right one yet but still...can't I have a bit of luck??

5) I saw a whole bunch of movies I've never seen: Sucker Punch (simply epic; I'm cosplaying Baby Doll for Willycon), Battle Los Angeles (great action, CGI, and special effects but really cheesy lines; overall good), Jonah Hex (one of my new favorite superheroes), I Spy (funny as hell), Cop Out (not as good as I thought it was going to be but still pretty hilarious), V for Vendetta (probably my new favorite movie ever), Transporter 3 (Jason Statham is amazing), Unstoppable (really great suspense but makes me wonder what kind of engineers we have out there), and The Craft (pretty epic for a 90s movie with good acting). I love updating my movie list, it makes me happy!! I suggest any of these movies for watching; they're all really good. I enjoyed them.

6) I'm going to start watching the anime Soul Eater from the beginning because from the episodes that I've seen I absolutely love it!! My brother wants me to watch it with him and I agreed; we hardly get to do anything together anymore and it's sad. But since we're both such nerds we're going to host a campaign based off of Soul Eater and if anyone's interested let one of us know and we'll see what we can do!! It should be awesome (Bubba's really good at DM-ing).

7) Two of my friends in the Army have news: one of them comes home from deployment over in Afghanistan in late April, early June and the other is going active duty. I pray for both of them because they're good at what they do. Ironically, they're brothers and Cav Scouts together. I also have an older brother over in Afghanistan who isn't coming home until the middle of fall; I also pray for him. Even though we got to see him over Christmas, we miss him dearly. But he's very good at what he does so we don't have to worry too much; he made Sergeant in 2 1/2 years...he's that bomb.

8) I figured out my plans for college and living quarters. I've decided to stay here in Nebraska so I don't have to worry about transfer papers (they're difficult to deal with and take a really long time) and go to Northeast for my generals and then probably go to Wayne State for my majors. They're still the same: Psychology and Criminal Justice. I'll never give up my dream of being a criminal profiler. As for housing, I'm going to get an apartment with one of my friends here in town after my AIT (Advanced Individual Training) to make things easier.

9) School doesn't even have a full month left and graduation is coming nearer every day. I'm not necessarily nervous since I've already graduated from Basic Training (which is a big deal). I'm excited to get out and start new as an adult but I know if I ever need to come back home my mother would welcome me with open arms. I am going to miss friends from school and teachers; I'll have to make sure to stay in touch with everyone I'm not immediate friends with.          

10) I wish that Spring was here already; I'm getting sick and tired of all this snow. You can't do anything!! And I hate the cold; it's horrible!! I can't wait for South Carolina only for it's heat; nice and toasty!! I just want it to be nice that way running doesn't have to be so miserable and hanging out with friends doesn't always have to be inside somewhere; I hate being cooped up for too long.

11) I got to see my 9 year old niece in her first play!! She played a cook in the play Sleeping Beauty, hosted by her school Tri-County and Missoula Children's Theatre. She did great and when I asked her if she was going to keep it up in high school; she said yes!! Which is very exciting. I was definitely proud of her. Funny though that she was 1 of 2 that got flowers; I thought that was custom and courtesy?? But we made her night. She had no idea we were even going down there and didn't see us until the second time she came out but when she did see us; her face lit up like Christmas...it was beautiful.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Blog 35: Poems (in both French and English)


I, from a window where the Meuse is wide,
Looked eastward out to the September night;
The men that in the hopeless battle died
Rose, and deployed, and stationed for the fight;
A brumal army, vague and ordered large
For mile on mile by some pale general,-
I saw them lean by companies to the charge,
But no man living heard the bugle-call.

And fading still, and pointing to their scars,
They fled in lessening clouds, where gray and high
Dawn lay along the heaven in misty bars;
But watching from that eastern casement, I
Saw the Republic splendid in the sky,
And round her terrible head the morning stars.
Founded on: poemhunter.com
 Now for the french version:

I, a partir d'une fenetre ou la Meuse est large,
Vu l'est vers la nuit Septembre;
Les hommes que dans la bataille sans espoir est mort
Rose, et deployees, et stationne a la lutte;
Une armee Brumal, vague et a ordonne la grande
Pour mile sure mile par certains generaux pale, -
Je les ai vu maigre par les entreprises a la charge,
Mais nul homme vivant ne entendu le clairon.

Et encore la decoloration, et pointant vers leurs cicatrices,
Ils se sont enfuis a attenuer les nuages, ou le gris et de haute
Dawn se trouvaient sur le ciel brumeux dans les bars;
Mais en regardant de ce battant l'Est, je
ciel Saw la Republique dans le splendide,
Et autour de sa tete terrible les etoiles du matin.
Since I'm the only French IV student at the Senior High I have to take class with French III students and one of our assignments for next week will be to read a poem in french. This is the english version of what I'll be reading; Mois de Septembre (The Month of September) by Hilaire Belloc. He's an Anglo-Frenchman from the 19th century. This is a poem out of a series of months and it's about the French Revolutionary War. I found it interesting and well written and I hope you do too!
Edgar Allan Poe
Depuis ma prime enfance je ne suis pas comme les autres;
Je ne vois pas ce que les autres voient;
Je n’ai pas su tirer mes passions au puits commun.
Ma tristesse ne provient pas de la même source.
Je n’ai pas su éveiller mon coeur à la même joie;
Tout ce que j’ai aimé, je l’ai aimé seul.
Puis, dans ma enfance, à l’aube d’une vie tourmentée,
c’est de chaque profondeur du bien et du mal,
que fut puisé ce mystère qui m’enchaîne toujours.
Du torrent et de la fontaine,
De la falaise rouge de la montagne,
Du soleil qui roulait autour de moi
En son or automnal,
De l’éclair dans les cieux
Qui me frôlait et s’enfuyait,
Du tonnerre et de l’orage,
Et du nuage qui se métamorphosait
(alors que le reste du ciel était bleu)
En démon à mes yeux.
Founded on schabrieres.wordpress.com
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were---I have not seen
As others saw---I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I lov'd, I loved alone.
Then---in my childhood---in the dawn
Of a most stormy life---was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold---
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by---
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
Founded on poemhunter.com
This doesn't have much significance to any school work, but it's my favorite Edgar Allan Poe poem ever written. He's one of my favorite poets in all of history and literature! This poem is also used in a book that I love to read called Demon in my View by Amelia At-Water Rhodes; one of the books from her vampire series. She's an amazing author and first started writing at the age of 13! You should really check her out and more of Edgar Allan Poe's work!



ELOVED, gaze in thine own heart,
The holy tree is growing there;
From joy the holy branches start,
And all the trembling flowers they bear.
The changing colours of its fruit
Have dowered the stars with merry light;
The surety of its hidden root
Has planted quiet in the night;
The shaking of its leafy head
Has given the waves their melody,
And made my lips and music wed,
Murmuring a wizard song for thee.
There the Loves a circle go,
The flaming circle of our days,
Gyring, spiring to and fro
In those great ignorant leafy ways;
Remembering all that shaken hair
And how the wingèd sandals dart,
Thine eyes grow full of tender care:
Beloved, gaze in thine own heart.
 
Gaze no more in the bitter glass
The demons, with their subtle guile,
Lift up before us when they pass,
Or only gaze a little while;
For there a fatal image grows
That the stormy night receives,
Roots half hidden under snows,
Broken boughs and blackened leaves.
For all things turn to barrenness
In the dim glass the demons hold,
The glass of outer weariness,
Made when God slept in times of old.
There, through the broken branches, go
The ravens of unresting thought;
Flying, crying, to and fro,
Cruel claw and hungry throat,
Or else they stand and sniff the wind,
And shake their ragged wings; alas!
Thy tender eyes grow all unkind:
Gaze no more in the bitter glass.
Founded on poemhunter.com

This also has no significance but I absolutely adore this poem, it's one of my all-time favorites! I've never read anything else by W.B. Yeats, but I'm sure that they're just as amazing! This is also used in an Amelia AtWater-Rhodes novel: Shattered Mirror which is also a great book, you should check it out as well




The Tyger by William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright 
In the forests of the night, 
What immortal hand or eye 
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire? 
And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet? 
What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp? 
When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee? 
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry? 

Founded on poemhunter.com

The Tyger is one of my most favorites out of any poetry list. William Blake was a genius and I'm glad to be knowledgeable in his writings. This is another one used in a different Amelia AtWater-Rhodes novel: Forest of the Night, which name derived from this poem. I've done a reflection on this poem for a class because I enjoy it so much! 

I would add more but I'm pretty sure this blog is way long anyway, so I'll let them inspire you to research poems and find a style that you like. There's literally a poem out there for everything.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Blog 34: Questions Unanswered

So, I have a dilemma. People who read my blog know about my "amazing" boyfriend...well, turns out he's not as amazing as I thought he was. Things have been going downhill for the past three weeks and things are NOT at all how I'd like them to be. He's changed so much and none of it's for the better. I'm split between loving who he was (but I don't think he really is) and wanting to just get away from it all. It got so bad one night that I almost called him by my ex-boyfriend's name because all he and I would do is fight. That's definitely not a good thing. I don't know what to do in this situation; I've never been in this situation before. It would be so much easier if he just cheated on me; that way I'd have a solid reason to never speak to him again. Right now, the only thing that keeps me from talking to him when I don't want to is my excuses that I'm tired or busy. I know it sounds bad on my part to ignore him but if you knew what he was doing, you wouldn't want to talk to him either. The people that know exactly what's going on agree with me; actually, all of them said to break up with him. But I'm afraid that if I do that, then he's going to all psycho-emo-crazy on me and I don't want that on my conscience. It all seems so selfish now that I think about it but at the same time...I just need to get away. To make it all worse, I think I have feelings for someone that I probably shouldn't have feelings for. It's kind of a bad thing and I'm so lost on what to do. My boyfriend and I had so many great plans that were easily attainable but ever since the fighting started, so has all the changes. He wants things that I don't and he's making plans to see them through without asking me if it's okay or if it'll correspond with my plans. We have such different lives and opinions, despite our similar interests, and it's just not working out...but a part of me still wants things to work but I know that they probably won't. And it's not the distance that's doing it, it's just him in general. I have a strong feeling that how he's acting is who he really is and I just didn't realize it before now. I wish things were simple...I really don't want to be in this situation or deal with it but I know that since I'm stuck in it, I know I have to do something about it. What? I don't know the answer to that question yet, but I will.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Blog 33: The World

I dislike how the human race is coming down to: lies, murder, and disaster. You have to dig for good news wherever you are and it doesn't seem fair. We live in such complicated times now-- why can't the world just go back to being simple again? It's hard to understand and tolerate all the violence going on overseas and back here at home, including the harassment teenagers feel the need to put out. Facebook: a great way to keep in contact with those you hardly see and a horrible way to portray your anger. If anyone had honor like they used to, why would they hide behind a computer screen to tell people how much they hate them? But when they face their problems they blame everyone else and whine about how hard everything is; it's ridiculous to me. We are going to ruin ourselves. It started years ago, when we first learned to think and portray emotion, and has escalated fast. With our growing society comes a growing violence. We've all seen it with our own eyes and sometimes it's hard to believe it's actually happening to us. Stopping it is impossible and the continuing of it all is inevitable; we need to find a way to dwindle it. Start with yourself and if everyone focuses on that, then we'll all eventually get to the point where violence isn't needed and lies do not exist. What better world can we all hope for than one with peace and hope? Even as a soldier I pray for that...

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Blog 32: Aunt to the Eighth Power

So on Friday February 4, 2011 at 6:15 p.m. my little nephew was born at Faith Regional Hospital. Even though he was two days overdue he only weighed 6 pounds and 15 ounces, which oddly and miraculously enough matched his birth time. He's absolutely adorable and I'm upset that I have yet to meet him or hold him since I'm sick but when I do, hopefully he'll love me like all my other nieces and nephews do; he's number 8 believe it or not. Starting when I was only a year and a half old my siblings (who are much older than me) had kids. As of now I officially have 5 nieces and 3 nephews. Buffy (35) had Meriah (16), Janisa (9), and Brailey (5); Sherrol (33) had Angelea (10), Samantha (9), and the only other set of twins so far Gage and Cameron (7); and Kevin Jr (26) had the new baby Drake (1 day old). And 2 of my siblings haven't had kids yet and I'm sure Jr's not done so I have a lot more to look forward to.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Blog 31: Being Human

I don't know where to begin about the mind or how it changes. For years I've known who I was and what I wanted out of life and even though I'm still in the process of obtaining these things, I've noticed that I've always settled for the next best thing so to speak. When something good comes along I take, as if climbing a ladder. For a while I'm happier than ever and things seem to be going great, like its going to be "it" but deep down I know that's not the case; I know I'd never stay happy. I take nothing for granted but I allow myself to be happy with something that normally wouldn't only because I'm trying to build onto what I do and do not want. I don't throw myself at situations like these but when they come to me and I find at least something about them appealing, I make them work. In some fields its a good thing to be able to adapt so quickly to my environment but in some it only causes problems. After the time ends where I'm on Cloud 9, completely happy with the situation I'm in, I find myself doubting and second guessing everything. Most of the time after these episodes I end the situation and find myself happier than when I was just starting out but sometimes I stick with it and it turns out to be something great. Now, what I'm not good at, is judging what's going to turn out good or bad. Sometimes I'm completely split down the middle where part of the time I think that ending it would be for the best and the other half I think that it'll work out just fine. With the situation I'm in right now, I've been happy with for months and I've wanted it for years and years but recently things have been getting edgy and everyone just seems so tense that I just don't know what to do about the situation anymore. Its frustrating. I'm happy but at the same time I want to rip my hair out. I think on this one I'm just going to let it go...just see where it takes me; I know I can handle anything that life throws at me. I'll just make sure that I'm in control and when I know it's time to get out, I'll do what I have to.