Blog 25: Memories

So tonight was my last parent teacher conference ever and my mom started crying. I was teasing her at first; which she laughed at mind you; but now I feel bad. At first it didn't make a whole lot of sense why she'd be crying because she's already dealt with my going away for months due to Basic Training but now that I sit here thinking about today, I understand and I want to cry too. I needed to make/buy treats for advisory tomorrow and we had the choice of either brownies or cheesecake. I've made brownies before and then put cheesecake on top of them like the brownies were the crust and it turned out wonderful but we didn't want to do any baking so we decided on cheesecake cups (like cupcakes only with cheesecake and unbaked). They turned out so adorable! But anyway, back to my point, as we were making it all; talking and having a good time; I started to realize that I wouldn't have a lot of moments left like that with just her and me doing something we love together. I wouldn't wake up to her smiling face and a cup of coffee everyday, get kisses when I leave and when I return, get told goodnight with a smile and a kiss before she shuts off the light, etc. All of that will just be memories in a few short months and it makes me more sad than almost anything else. Of course after I move away I'll call her every night (or close to) just to see how she's doing, send emails and letters back and forth and visit when I can. I don't really want to leave her but what I want to do is so far away from here and I know she'd be upset at me if I didn't follow my dreams. She's sad just like I am because her babies are leaving but she knows that she raised us right and that we'll keep in touch as often as possible; I'll never forget her. I almost regret some of the things I've said/done but my mom knows I love her and I know that no matter what she'll love me too and she'll be there whenever I need her; just like I'll be there for her. I never really viewed my mom as a role model because we're so different but now that I'm older I think I appreciate her views more and understand them better than I ever have before. We have our disputes but we always make up right away and now its easier for her to talk to me on a more personal level than just parent to child. I admire my mom for what she's had to go through and how she persevered through it all and she still has strength to be happy. I'm amazed by her, I truly am, and I love her to death. I'll never forget all the times we've shared and when I have kids, I hope I do just as great a job as she did with all of hers. I know she'll be the first I ask for help from when I need it...she's my hero.