Blog 39: Letter to a Friend

Dear Dakota,

It's been so long since I've thought about you...I miss you. I can't believe it's already been close to 5 years since you've passed; some days it just seem like yesterday. There are so many things that you've missed out on...driving, prom, graduation, college, your mom's wedding, my engagement, Dan and I having a baby girl, Diego turning 16 and getting his license to drive, and soon to be, my wedding. If you were still here with us, you would've been my maid of honor; I wish I could see you in the dress that's picked out because you would've been so beautiful in it. Your mom is standing in your place; I just couldn't do it without you, I guess. You were my best friend and I loved you. There are times that I remember so clearly our times together when we were young and I miss it. We were such dreamers back then...

I went by your grave today for Memorial Day...it's been far too long since I've been by there to say "hello" like I used to. Your head stone is beautiful; even in the rain. Your mom went by today, too, and left a very pretty flower arrangement that said "daughter" in purple flowers. I know she misses and loves you, so much...you're still very much a part of our lives. There were several other bouquets; I guess everyone was thinking of you...you touched so many people, I know I'm not the only one to miss you. You were so strong, beautiful, creative, and smart...you should have gone so far in life and done so many great things. In a way I feel like I didn't do some of the things I wanted to because you weren't there to share the experience with me...they were our thing. Every time I see or hear Christina Aguilera, I think of you and how you used to worship her music and it make me smile. You were such a gifted singer.

As Lilia gets older, I promise she'll know her mama's amazing childhood friend; I couldn't let her go without the memories of us. I still have the white rabbit, Ruby Beth, you gave me that looks like Diamond Ruthy's twin and once my daughter can understand the importance, it'll be passed down to her. I brought my rabbit to the funeral; it helped me feel closer to you...like you hadn't really gone.

I'll make it a more frequent thing to visit and share what's going on with you; I'm upset with myself for not having done that sooner. Life just gets ahold and drags us along sometimes, I guess...I just wish you were here with us...

I love you; you're in my prayers.

Love always,

Ashley <3

Blog 38: 'Affairs of the Heart' Background Information

Affairs of the Heart

Settings:

 

The Wrenwick Manor- a lively and open place with parties monthly, a decorative garden (only for show), and a strict set of social standards

The Greenwood Manor- a dull and gothic place where society strays from but with a secret flower garden for the late Lady of the manor and a dark history

The forest of Kingham, England- a dense forest near a prairie; the Thorton’s personal hunting grounds for large game    

 

Characters:

 

James Bevington- Lord of the Greenwood Manor outside of Kingham, England; a sociopath by nature and widower; in his late thirties; dark, gaunt, and gloomy

Cameron Keys- servant of the Greenwood Manor; caretaker of grounds and animals; silent; tall; lanky with ratty brown hair; always dirty

Thomas Thorton- Lord of the Wrenwick Manor outside of Kingham, England (eleven miles from the Greenwood Manor); a sociable man; slightly plump with greying and thinning hair; in his late thirties

Bethany (Beth) Thorton- Lady of the Wrenwick Manor; the classic and conservative lady; tall and thin with dark hair; mid thirties

Emelia Thorton- daughter of Thomas and Bethany Thorton; both compassionate and curious; blonde hair, beautiful, and petite

Gerald Barker- servant of the Wrenwick Manor; caretaker of grounds; tutor to Emelia; married to Diane; tall and thin with grey hair; in his sixties

Diane Barker- servant of the Wrenwick Manor; wet nurse and caretaker to Emelia; married to Garald; short and slightly plump with dark hair; vary homely; in late fifties

Ernest Spalding- business man out of London who spends his hunting season with the Thortons; late thirties; dark hair with greying temples; average height and weight

Fredrick Blake- son-in-law to Ernest Spalding; a good looking young man; tall; also from London; a lawyer

Messenger- town messenger of Kingham, England; a boy no older than fifteen; clean shaven; always seen wearing a cap

Doctor- town doctor; old practitioner; in his late fifties with grey and white hair

Summary:

 

A bittersweet and romantic drama.

Blog 37: It's Been a Long Time My Friends

I can't believe, looking back now, that I haven't posted since October of 2011...what's wrong with me?? Blogging used to be my thing; a release of sorts where I could jot down any number of ramblings I wanted in a day. I guess life just got the best of me...Now, here I am, a mother already graduated high school about to get married in a year with no college education and a little less than three years left in the National Guard. Where has time gone?? I'm not complaining by any means, I love the life that I have and I wouldn't change it for the world. So much has happened and I'm not even sure where to begin...

1) I'm a mom!! My daughter turned two months old yesterday; she's getting so big already. I found myself, just the other day, worrying about which college she'd choose because I knew once she's decided, I have to let her go. I felt so crazy to be thinking of that already when she hasn't even begun to crawl but when you're a parent, there's never enough time to be with your child. Her name is Lilia Marie Evans...Lilia after my mother's favorite flower, the lilac and Marie after her grandma's middle name (from her daddy's side). Yes, her father is still in the picture and happily so; we're getting married next year and he loves both of us to death. She is the most beautiful yet terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. I could never ask for a better life with her. I feel so spoiled now because I get every day with her which means I can watch her grow. It's amazing just the changes that occur in only two months time. She looks a lot like her daddy; including his adorable dimples and beautiful eyes but she has my nose, ears, and toes. We haven't decided if she's a brunette or red head yet; maybe a bit of both?? Whatever it turns out to be, she's going to be a heart breaker. Her daddy says, "just like her momma."

2) I'm engaged!! I'm getting married May 30, 2014 to the love of my life. He and I have made it through some really rough times as both friends and lovers. He's an amazing, honest, funny, supportive, hard working, strong, protective, yet ornery man. I couldn't live without him. His name is Daniel Scott Evans, or Dan. He proposed to me after I'd been away to training for a week. I was still in my sweaty uniform from the summer heat as I walked through the front door to our house. I heard the radio blaring and thought that our roommate Devin was home and I was so tired I couldn't remember if I'd seen any vehicles outside. I dropped my bags in the back room and walked through the kitchen calling out, "Devin??" I got no response so I went into her room and turned the stereo off. I turned around, back into the kitchen, and I jumped. Dan had crept out of our bedroom and into the kitchen behind me. "Oh my God, Dan, you scared me!!" He just smiled and dropped a pillow on the hard floor before kneeling on his knee. My heart sped up as he took my hand and looked up at me with his beautiful eyes. "Ashley, you are the love of my life and I want to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you marry me??" Of course I smiled and pulled him to his feet for a hug and said, "Yes!!" Ever since then, I've been looking around and inspiring myself with pictures and ideas for the wedding and reception and I can't wait till next spring!!

3) I'm getting a house!! The loan is finalized in the middle of June so we can buy our own house here in Pierce, where we've decided to settle down and raise Lilia. It's a small looking but rather big white country house near the grain elevator. It has a plentiful yard, two car garage, a basement, main floor, and upstairs. We have some big plans for this place!! We're adding: a porch, flower bed, dog kennel, trampoline, play fort/sand box combination, and hot tub. Of course there's work to be done, the house was built in 1949 and everything is still original; including the toilet. Our first order of business is the bathroom, then we'll move onto appliances, making two bedrooms, a laundry room, and a bathroom in the basement, putty, and paint. Lilia will have her own room and I even get to paint the kitchen my favorite color orange to match all of the homemade cupcake décor. Dan will get the garage for his 'man cave' where we may eventually put a pool table; that we're undecided about. Needless to say, we are stoked to become home owners!!

4) Now for some family news!! My oldest brother finally got married to Christina Woodbury in October 2012 and they had their first child together in January. Chris's daughter Olivia makes a great big sister to Peighton Renee. My nephew, Drake, turned two in March this year; it's amazing how much he's grown but he's still my little Bubby!! My twin brother, Dakota is marrying his girlfriend of a little over a year, Emily Chamberlin on June 22, 2013. It'll be a small but grand occasion and we're all very happy for them!! He proposed to her in front of literally the entire family at Christmas dinner; her mom even got to be there.

I'd say we've had a pretty good couple of years, my family and I, with many more to come I'm sure. I'm ready for whatever the future holds because I have such an amazing support system. I don't know what I'd do without them all...

Blog 36: My New Updates of Life

So I realize that it's been awhile since I've updated this and so much has happened. Let's make a list shall we??

1) I got to meet and hold my new baby nephew Drake Alan after he was already 2 weeks old. He's absolutely adorable and I love him to death!! Bad news is, he peed on me the first time I held him. How babies pee through their diaper and pants, I don't know.

2) I broke up with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago. I decided that unless he could get himself under control I couldn't handle him either. He's been doing very well just being friends and getting his stuff together. He started therapy and goes every Wednesday at 2 and starting in April he'll be taking anger management classes for a couple hours every week. He's been doing very well and I'm proud of him...he also made new friends and actually has hobbies; which is weird for him so his progress is really good.

3) That guy I had a crush on, well it turned out that he liked me to. He told me, his sister, and his friends that he did and even kissed me a couple times (which was amazing by the way). He promised everyone that he and his ex weren't going to get back together, ever, but it turns out that after he promises me that he'll be there for me and help me open up more that he was going to run to her as soon as she cries for him. I admire his ability to help her after everything she did to him (which is horrible and should not be stated) but I just wish he wouldn't be so fickle. I was upset, yeah, and turns out that someone's going around telling him or his ex that I am and she's telling everyone about it; ridiculous much?? I think so.

4) I now have the dilemma of being one of my only friends without a date to prom now when originally I was one of the only ones that did. Awesome right?? Well, I guess it's not that big of a deal but it's kind of upsetting I guess. I don't even know if I want one or not. I'm kind of to the point where I don't even want to look at guys because I'm tired of dealing with everything. I could go on dates, true, but even that's getting to the ridiculous point because they're all lame and the dates turn out horrible. What to do?? I'll figure something out. I know that the reason everything's going so horrible with dating is because I haven't found the right one yet but still...can't I have a bit of luck??

5) I saw a whole bunch of movies I've never seen: Sucker Punch (simply epic; I'm cosplaying Baby Doll for Willycon), Battle Los Angeles (great action, CGI, and special effects but really cheesy lines; overall good), Jonah Hex (one of my new favorite superheroes), I Spy (funny as hell), Cop Out (not as good as I thought it was going to be but still pretty hilarious), V for Vendetta (probably my new favorite movie ever), Transporter 3 (Jason Statham is amazing), Unstoppable (really great suspense but makes me wonder what kind of engineers we have out there), and The Craft (pretty epic for a 90s movie with good acting). I love updating my movie list, it makes me happy!! I suggest any of these movies for watching; they're all really good. I enjoyed them.

6) I'm going to start watching the anime Soul Eater from the beginning because from the episodes that I've seen I absolutely love it!! My brother wants me to watch it with him and I agreed; we hardly get to do anything together anymore and it's sad. But since we're both such nerds we're going to host a campaign based off of Soul Eater and if anyone's interested let one of us know and we'll see what we can do!! It should be awesome (Bubba's really good at DM-ing).

7) Two of my friends in the Army have news: one of them comes home from deployment over in Afghanistan in late April, early June and the other is going active duty. I pray for both of them because they're good at what they do. Ironically, they're brothers and Cav Scouts together. I also have an older brother over in Afghanistan who isn't coming home until the middle of fall; I also pray for him. Even though we got to see him over Christmas, we miss him dearly. But he's very good at what he does so we don't have to worry too much; he made Sergeant in 2 1/2 years...he's that bomb.

8) I figured out my plans for college and living quarters. I've decided to stay here in Nebraska so I don't have to worry about transfer papers (they're difficult to deal with and take a really long time) and go to Northeast for my generals and then probably go to Wayne State for my majors. They're still the same: Psychology and Criminal Justice. I'll never give up my dream of being a criminal profiler. As for housing, I'm going to get an apartment with one of my friends here in town after my AIT (Advanced Individual Training) to make things easier.

9) School doesn't even have a full month left and graduation is coming nearer every day. I'm not necessarily nervous since I've already graduated from Basic Training (which is a big deal). I'm excited to get out and start new as an adult but I know if I ever need to come back home my mother would welcome me with open arms. I am going to miss friends from school and teachers; I'll have to make sure to stay in touch with everyone I'm not immediate friends with.          

10) I wish that Spring was here already; I'm getting sick and tired of all this snow. You can't do anything!! And I hate the cold; it's horrible!! I can't wait for South Carolina only for it's heat; nice and toasty!! I just want it to be nice that way running doesn't have to be so miserable and hanging out with friends doesn't always have to be inside somewhere; I hate being cooped up for too long.

11) I got to see my 9 year old niece in her first play!! She played a cook in the play Sleeping Beauty, hosted by her school Tri-County and Missoula Children's Theatre. She did great and when I asked her if she was going to keep it up in high school; she said yes!! Which is very exciting. I was definitely proud of her. Funny though that she was 1 of 2 that got flowers; I thought that was custom and courtesy?? But we made her night. She had no idea we were even going down there and didn't see us until the second time she came out but when she did see us; her face lit up like Christmas...it was beautiful.

Blog 35: Poems (in both French and English)

I, from a window where the Meuse is wide,
Looked eastward out to the September night;
The men that in the hopeless battle died
Rose, and deployed, and stationed for the fight;
A brumal army, vague and ordered large
For mile on mile by some pale general,-
I saw them lean by companies to the charge,
But no man living heard the bugle-call.

And fading still, and pointing to their scars,
They fled in lessening clouds, where gray and high
Dawn lay along the heaven in misty bars;
But watching from that eastern casement, I
Saw the Republic splendid in the sky,
And round her terrible head the morning stars.

Founded on: poemhunter.com

 Now for the french version:

I, a partir d'une fenetre ou la Meuse est large,
Vu l'est vers la nuit Septembre;
Les hommes que dans la bataille sans espoir est mort
Rose, et deployees, et stationne a la lutte;
Une armee Brumal, vague et a ordonne la grande
Pour mile sure mile par certains generaux pale, -
Je les ai vu maigre par les entreprises a la charge,
Mais nul homme vivant ne entendu le clairon.

Et encore la decoloration, et pointant vers leurs cicatrices,
Ils se sont enfuis a attenuer les nuages, ou le gris et de haute
Dawn se trouvaient sur le ciel brumeux dans les bars;
Mais en regardant de ce battant l'Est, je
ciel Saw la Republique dans le splendide,
Et autour de sa tete terrible les etoiles du matin.

Since I'm the only French IV student at the Senior High I have to take class with French III students and one of our assignments for next week will be to read a poem in french. This is the english version of what I'll be reading; Mois de Septembre (The Month of September) by Hilaire Belloc. He's an Anglo-Frenchman from the 19th century. This is a poem out of a series of months and it's about the French Revolutionary War. I found it interesting and well written and I hope you do too!



Depuis ma prime enfance je ne suis pas comme les autres;
Je ne vois pas ce que les autres voient;
Je n’ai pas su tirer mes passions au puits commun.
Ma tristesse ne provient pas de la même source.
Je n’ai pas su éveiller mon coeur à la même joie;
Tout ce que j’ai aimé, je l’ai aimé seul.
Puis, dans ma enfance, à l’aube d’une vie tourmentée,
c’est de chaque profondeur du bien et du mal,
que fut puisé ce mystère qui m’enchaîne toujours.
Du torrent et de la fontaine,
De la falaise rouge de la montagne,
Du soleil qui roulait autour de moi
En son or automnal,
De l’éclair dans les cieux
Qui me frôlait et s’enfuyait,
Du tonnerre et de l’orage,
Et du nuage qui se métamorphosait
(alors que le reste du ciel était bleu)
En démon à mes yeux.

Founded on schabrieres.wordpress.com

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were---I have not seen
As others saw---I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I lov'd, I loved alone.
Then---in my childhood---in the dawn
Of a most stormy life---was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold---
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by---
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

Founded on poemhunter.com

This doesn't have much significance to any school work, but it's my favorite Edgar Allan Poe poem ever written. He's one of my favorite poets in all of history and literature! This poem is also used in a book that I love to read called Demon in my View by Amelia At-Water Rhodes; one of the books from her vampire series. She's an amazing author and first started writing at the age of 13! You should really check her out and more of Edgar Allan Poe's work!

ELOVED, gaze in thine own heart,

The holy tree is growing there;

From joy the holy branches start,

And all the trembling flowers they bear.

The changing colours of its fruit

Have dowered the stars with merry light;

The surety of its hidden root

Has planted quiet in the night;

The shaking of its leafy head

Has given the waves their melody,

And made my lips and music wed,

Murmuring a wizard song for thee.

There the Loves a circle go,

The flaming circle of our days,

Gyring, spiring to and fro

In those great ignorant leafy ways;

Remembering all that shaken hair

And how the wingèd sandals dart,

Thine eyes grow full of tender care:

Beloved, gaze in thine own heart.

 

Gaze no more in the bitter glass

The demons, with their subtle guile,

Lift up before us when they pass,

Or only gaze a little while;

For there a fatal image grows

That the stormy night receives,

Roots half hidden under snows,

Broken boughs and blackened leaves.

For all things turn to barrenness

In the dim glass the demons hold,

The glass of outer weariness,

Made when God slept in times of old.

There, through the broken branches, go

The ravens of unresting thought;

Flying, crying, to and fro,

Cruel claw and hungry throat,

Or else they stand and sniff the wind,

And shake their ragged wings; alas!

Thy tender eyes grow all unkind:

Gaze no more in the bitter glass.

Founded on poemhunter.com

This also has no significance but I absolutely adore this poem, it's one of my all-time favorites! I've never read anything else by W.B. Yeats, but I'm sure that they're just as amazing! This is also used in an Amelia AtWater-Rhodes novel: Shattered Mirror which is also a great book, you should check it out as well! 




The Tyger by William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright 
In the forests of the night, 
What immortal hand or eye 
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire? 

And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet? 

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp? 

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee? 

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry? 

Founded on poemhunter.com

The Tyger is one of my most favorites out of any poetry list. William Blake was a genius and I'm glad to be knowledgeable in his writings. This is another one used in a different Amelia AtWater-Rhodes novel: Forest of the Night, which name derived from this poem. I've done a reflection on this poem for a class because I enjoy it so much! 

I would add more but I'm pretty sure this blog is way long anyway, so I'll let them inspire you to research poems and find a style that you like. There's literally a poem out there for everything.



Blog 34: Questions Unanswered

So, I have a dilemma. People who read my blog know about my "amazing" boyfriend...well, turns out he's not as amazing as I thought he was. Things have been going downhill for the past three weeks and things are NOT at all how I'd like them to be. He's changed so much and none of it's for the better. I'm split between loving who he was (but I don't think he really is) and wanting to just get away from it all. It got so bad one night that I almost called him by my ex-boyfriend's name because all he and I would do is fight. That's definitely not a good thing. I don't know what to do in this situation; I've never been in this situation before. It would be so much easier if he just cheated on me; that way I'd have a solid reason to never speak to him again. Right now, the only thing that keeps me from talking to him when I don't want to is my excuses that I'm tired or busy. I know it sounds bad on my part to ignore him but if you knew what he was doing, you wouldn't want to talk to him either. The people that know exactly what's going on agree with me; actually, all of them said to break up with him. But I'm afraid that if I do that, then he's going to all psycho-emo-crazy on me and I don't want that on my conscience. It all seems so selfish now that I think about it but at the same time...I just need to get away. To make it all worse, I think I have feelings for someone that I probably shouldn't have feelings for. It's kind of a bad thing and I'm so lost on what to do. My boyfriend and I had so many great plans that were easily attainable but ever since the fighting started, so has all the changes. He wants things that I don't and he's making plans to see them through without asking me if it's okay or if it'll correspond with my plans. We have such different lives and opinions, despite our similar interests, and it's just not working out...but a part of me still wants things to work but I know that they probably won't. And it's not the distance that's doing it, it's just him in general. I have a strong feeling that how he's acting is who he really is and I just didn't realize it before now. I wish things were simple...I really don't want to be in this situation or deal with it but I know that since I'm stuck in it, I know I have to do something about it. What? I don't know the answer to that question yet, but I will.

Blog 33: The World

I dislike how the human race is coming down to: lies, murder, and disaster. You have to dig for good news wherever you are and it doesn't seem fair. We live in such complicated times now-- why can't the world just go back to being simple again? It's hard to understand and tolerate all the violence going on overseas and back here at home, including the harassment teenagers feel the need to put out. Facebook: a great way to keep in contact with those you hardly see and a horrible way to portray your anger. If anyone had honor like they used to, why would they hide behind a computer screen to tell people how much they hate them? But when they face their problems they blame everyone else and whine about how hard everything is; it's ridiculous to me. We are going to ruin ourselves. It started years ago, when we first learned to think and portray emotion, and has escalated fast. With our growing society comes a growing violence. We've all seen it with our own eyes and sometimes it's hard to believe it's actually happening to us. Stopping it is impossible and the continuing of it all is inevitable; we need to find a way to dwindle it. Start with yourself and if everyone focuses on that, then we'll all eventually get to the point where violence isn't needed and lies do not exist. What better world can we all hope for than one with peace and hope? Even as a soldier I pray for that...