Blog 23: The Truth of a Lonely Heart

Its hard to keep in contact because of our busy schedules and the distance but we still try. I miss you more and more each day; it grows as my love for you does. There's a complete heart in my chest but its hollow without you here beside me. The nights are long and lonely and the days seem to drag; time cannot move fast enough. Its still a full three months before I can see you again and longer still before we can be together without separation. I find myself spacing off during the day, thinking of you as I always do. Lately it's been more than usual. Our love will not die and it never fails to prove its truth but as humans there's always that small doubt in the back of our minds whether we like it or not to be there. Sometimes I think you'll meet someone better than me and what we have will just disappear like dust in the wind but I do know better. You tell me out of honesty how much you love and cherish me (proving it all the while) and how much you look up to me. And I am completely devoted to you. It's upsetting when people say that it's impossible to keep a long distance relationship and that cheating is inevitable. That is not at all the case with you and me; you've said so yourself that its the greatest sin anyone can commit. And since you wanted me to open up and tell you how I really felt, here I am trying again. Simply, I miss you and I love you. Elegant words couldn't sum it up better than that. And the truth is, I'll never stop either.

Blog 22: Proud to say that I've Moved on

I remember the time when the need to see and talk to you, even think about you seemed utterly necessary for my living. But now I frown upon the memories. There was once a time where you were true and I believed every word you said but now when I look at you, I know the lies you shed. Then and now, it hasn't changed a bit; the only thing is you've got a new "girlfriend" to hook you on a leash. I sometimes can't believe how completely naive I was to believe in you or even smile in your direction. My first response was the correct one: run and hide. I should have stayed hating you, it would have been better for us both...for a lot of people. I should thank you I guess for everything that I learned from being with you. I'm glad that I didn't know what I do now when I was with you or else I wouldn't be who I am today. And this way, reborn from all the heartache and sorrow, I can truly love without holding back and it is a grand feeling. I've almost forgetten everything we used to say to one another besides the fighting and the lies so to me that means the "love" we had wasn't important after all. All of this made me realize that it happened to make me stronger but at the same time, the one who truly loves me now wants me to be weaker because he knows its okay to cry. He's slowly helping me become more open with myself and his patience is godlike; I'm coming around. But being picky helped me find the one for me and I'm glad that I was such a hard "ape" about everything because he's beyond perfection and I love him dearly. I could not and would not leave him for anything and I'm sure that forgiving him would be more worth it than all the times I looked up to you. But you see, he doesn't need forgiveness like you did; he only deserves my love and affection. I'm proud of him in ways I couldn't have imagined with you. I wouldn't change a thing about him or the way we are together and I'm never going to be disappointed or a disappointment. He's a wonder and nothing less and I don't need you anymore.

Blog 21: Comic book ideas

So my brother and I have been planning for about a year now to create our own comic book but there's a problem: we don't really know what the plot would be. And everyone knows that everything needs a plot. I've been trying to debate what to do; my mind is blank with ideas. Maybe have it be a zombie based comic book? We definitely don't have enough good ones out there anyway and we're both infatuated with zombies and an apocolypse thereof. There's also been my own idea for a comic which I don't know if he'd want to help with or not set in semi-futuristic time where vampires and werewolves are common but unwelcome and humans have an organization against them (a revised NATO) and there's an epic team of 'heroes' that aren't really heroes but they're the main group of people that save the world. That I have the entire plot line set up for it, so it would be much easier to write out but I'll have to talk to my twin-thing about that. If anyone has any ideas let me know because I'd like to get this thing going and hopefully finished by the end of the year.

Blog 20: Comprendre, c'est Pardoner

<<Comprendre, c'est pardoner>> (to understand is to forgive). I believe that this quote has a great meaning when running the course of life; especially if someone has wronged you. In a world where everyone takes an eye for an eye lost it becomes blind. I understand that it is hard to forgive those who've been against you but how else would you go about being settle and without thoughts of revenge and hatred? Even if you did nothing wrong, when someone else has hurt you, you still feel regret and sorrow. Who wants to feel that way at all, especially for a long time? Why hold grudges when you can forgive and forget? But in order to forget someone you need to understand why they wronged you and if they even meant to at all. Its hard to sit down with someone you've quarreled with and settle things between the two of you but absolutely necessary. We couldn't survive as a society without forgiveness. It is a wonderful attribute and virtue to have forgiveness is. I think that all should strive to be better and if forgiving soemone you hate means doing better, then by all means try to understand. That's the least anyone could do is try to understand the situation. Don't take the judgements you first set on people and use them against that person; not only is it wrong but its absolutely abhoring. Without such things as forgiveness humans are nothing more than the animal counterparts we are less often referred to than we should be; we are the worst of all. At least they know how to be loyal and protect their own and do good with/to the Earth. How are we better than them if we can't do any of that without force? It makes me sick to think about it. "To understand is to forget"...try; its the best anyone can do and without trying we are nothing and who wants to be nothing?

Blog 19: Twisted and Tormented

I hate having to be strong for others when on the inside, I'm breaking down myself. No one gets to see this; I'm supposed to be strong. I'm the dignified "crying shoulder" of my friends and family; it seems everyone has problems to tell me. Whether or not they concern me isn't an issue. Sometimes I just want to scream and cry but that's not allowed of me. And besides, who wants to see that? I know that no one notices when somethings wrong unless there's a physical sign. This blog is likely to get little attention but for those it does get the attention of, its going to make them feel sorry for me (which is nothing I want) and try to pity talk me the next time they see me. I just want someone to be able to be my shoulder; someone who can bare what I have to tell. Its not fair for me to have to carry my own burdens along with many others'; what kind of deal is that? The ones that I think can help don't and the ones that I want to help can't. So what does that leave? Me bottling it up until it gets to the point of overflowing and then let loose. There's enough people in my life that should be able to listen and understand and console me without pity but help is rare and far between when received. I just need someone to talk to and someone to hold me instead of the other way around. I hate crying and I don't do it often and if I do its small tears that are really significant but right now I feel like crying. I want to sob and there's no one here for me to lean on. How does that work? I feel tormented...What others don't seem to realize is that I'm human also. I do have emotions and my own problems which build up stress (which is why I'm always so irritable and frustrated) and no way to release them other than writing which sometimes only makes it worse because I can see the full extent of damage to my mind and heart. What soul can take everything that comes at them and push it off to still maintain their self? I know of none. Even though all this is overbearing, I couldn't stand to be a wall; it would seem unbearable. So what new way of releasing all this kept up feelings is there if there's any at all? I simply don't know. I love it how my mind can be on overdrive to calculate horrible things but when it comes to happiness and creativity its lost. I just want all the suffering to end. Why can't I just be left alone where I want with who and what I want? Even for just a day that would be enough. But life doesn't work that way and I'll have to manage this charade until someone dares to share my weight.

Blog 18: Creativity

Sometimes I think that my creativity has been all used up; especially when I want to do something 'artsy' and nothing comes to mind. There was once a time where I could write whenever I sat down to or draw whenever I was told; now it takes a lot of thinking beforehand and then some more time to prepare an actual piece of work. I don't understand the random blocks that artists have- doesn't it just slow things down for them? Maybe that's why its so hard to make a living as an artist; despite the fall of art in the economy. I'd like to go back to the time where my imagination ran its course with little to no obstacles. I dislike that now it takes more effort to plan a piece than to actually create it; sometimes I don't even care to continue and it's trashed. No matter if it was good or not. This year alone I've drawn only 2 pictures when I would do that in a week or a few days. Its almost sad to me that the reality of growing up is coming into play; a time where your creativity and imagination are in use for ways to get your kids to eat their vegetables or something fun to do with your spouse; maybe something to preoccupy yourself with while at work. I never thought that I would reach a point where the thought process becomes harder than the actual creation; where my mind would dry up and all I could write about was issues in society and topics I pretend to enjoy for the sake of being cynical. Its almost tiresome to keep up the work...but I love to write. I could write about garbage and still enjoy myself...its just the lengthy planning that gets to me. I've always needed an inspiration but those used to come so easy; now I have to really sit there and think about something that's influential. Like today, I'm keeping myself occupied with writing by free writing and watching the snow fall; somehow it works. Maybe because its taking my mind off of creating words sot hat they just flow from my thoughts onto the keys. I realized that if I think too hard about something, it ends up being something I really can't stand once I read it again. Anne Rice had a wonderful quote about not knowing everything you write; that it wasn't possible. I agree that the best way to write is to just write and even if it doesn't make sense when later reading it; it made sense when writing it. To me, that's all that really counts. I know most authors write to give others pleasure, not necessarily themselves but I like to think that writing doesn't always have to be for someone else. Where else does a writer get pleasure from if they can't enjoy their own work? Other's works? That's just starting all over again...Could it be stress that stops me from my ability to create a work on the spot? In psychology we're discussing how stress has both physical and mental effects on a person and I learned that tension is a reaction of stress; like pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth. I never noticed how I did that before today but relaxing does seem to help the flow of everything; words and body. I'll take care not too get too stressed out; maybe that will help more than I think.

Blog 17: The Edited (not new) Zodiac

ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13
TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19
GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20
CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9
LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15
VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30
LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22
SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29
OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17
SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18
CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15
AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11
PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18

According to astrologial principles, the Sun travels from the constellation Scorpius and goes directly into the sign of Sagittarius, but due to the constant motion of the cosmos, the Sun enters, for a few days of the year, the star constellation 'Ophiuchus' before entering Sagittarius from Scorpius, thus creating astrologically the birth of a thirteenth sign of the Zodiac, which is named as Ophiuchus the Serpent Holder. The constellation of Ophiuchus is the only sign of the Zodiac which is linked to a real man. This man lived in ancient Egypt around the 27th century BC, and his name was Imhotep. The attributes of Imhotep can also be found in the Biblical Hebrew man Joseph, son of Jacob.. Imhotep is credited with many accomplishments including the knowledge and use of medicine. It is said of Imhotep that he brought the art of healing to mankind.The symbol of a serpent, which is still widely used today to represent the medical profession, was used to represent Imhotep. Imhotep was also known as 'Aesclepius' to the ancient Greeks.

Found at rah.posterous.com

Me: Supposedly Ophiuchus isn't a new astrological sign; its been around just as long as all the other zodiac signs. There's been debate for years about whether there should be 12 or 13 signs only because of its short lived time seen. Pluto, Venus, and Mercury have all spent time in Ophiuchus therefore its attached to our universe as every other sign has been for centuries. I don't really believe in the superstitions behind zodiac signs so I'm not understanding why everyone is so worked up about having their sign changed; its not technically your sign to begin with its just the time of year you were born under a certain constellation. It makes no difference. Just because I went from being a Scorpio to a Libra (which are two completely different signs and personalities mind you) doesn't mean I'm going to change because my sign did; I am who I am and you are who you are. In my opinion all the personality traits and happenings that come from the signs were just someone's use of the signs because as humans we naturally try to find explanations behind everything even if there isn't one. They mean nothing. If something has ever fit, who knows if it was because of your sign or because it was what was to happen all along? And as for personality definitions, people will change themselves without their knowing to be more like people tell them that they are or aren't; it makes no difference people change because they have to in some form or another. Call me old fashioned or cynical, whatever, but its all just made up! Just like the Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause.

Blog 16: Fairy Tales

The Origin of Fairy Tales

"However, once Upon a Time, fairy tales weren't written for children. In spite of their name, the popular fairy tales usually have very little to do with fairies. We took the name from the French "contes des fee", and the French literary fairy tales of the 17th century do feature far more fairies than the tales which are best-known today. The Grimm brothers collected the folk tales of the German people to make up their volume, but fairy tales are more than just folk tales. The German term for them is "M�rchen", a word for which there is no satisfactory English equivalent - it is the diminutive of M�r, a story or a tale, and has come to mean a story of wonder and enchantment, as the fairy tale is. 

Although large numbers of literary fairy tales were written in 17th century France, most of the tales which are still told and retold now are far older in origin. Many of the stories were edited and changed as they were written down, removing the darker and more gruesome elements of the stories. The intended audience of the stories has also changed. Perrault's collection of tales was written to be presented at the court of Versailles, and each tale ended with a moralistic verse. At the same time, literary fairy tales of great imagination and invention, often quite cruel and gruesome, were being created by the women surrepticiously rebelling against the contraints placed on them by their restrictive society. They were not written for children." 

Found at bobhuang.com

Me: So why is it that fairy tales are now fantasies for children when they were originally a political/social statement for women? I guess it does explain the romance and sophistication of each fairy tale. This is includes Cinderella which has over 340 variations from around the world. I'd say that Cinderella is the most popular fairy tale only because of its magic and happy ending.

"Much has been written on the subject of Cinderella, perhaps because it has become such a big part of American culture. Some have written about it as a reworking of Shakespeare's "King Lear", where a daughter is cast out by her father because she is misunderstood. The small slipper is said to symbolize the beauty of Cinderella, because small feet were said to be a virtue of femininity. Psychoanalysis from the Freudian viewpoint has considered Cinderella's relationship to her father and her stepmother, and her eventual overtaking of power from the stepmother. The feminist viewpoint has been that the story has exemplified ideals for women in America, particularly in the 1950s, when the film versions were released; the idea of being rewarded for being pretty and polite, and marrying not just anyone but a "prince," is looked upon as part of the message taught to women from the 1950s onward. The evolution of traditional fairy tales will continue as a trend."

Found at bobhuang.com

Me: Originally Cinderella was my least favorite fairy tale because of how over popular it is and the cliche story but now that I know the history and actual meaning of the western version which we are most familiar with, I appreciate it more for its political and historical value. And although my opinion has changed it still doesn't change the fact that this story is a bit stretched for everyday women; after all it is a fantasy. To me they were transformed into children stories to give children hope and something to believe in. A child's imagination is one of the beauties in this world and without it we'd all be lost. Children are in their own way magical and its only natural for us to want to give them something magical to believe in such as fairy tales. For the longest time I didn't believe in them because of my slightly cynical view on the world but things change...things always change. Someone special to me made me believe again only because of how absolutely wonderful they are; they changed my entire view of the human race once again. Maybe its not as bad as the news makes it sound or as immature and wild as reality television portrays. I've learned a lot of things and a lot of my opinions have changed now that I'm older and what I feel about fairy tales such as Cinderella has. Now is the time to tie what I love to something I've learned to respect. Onto writing my reenactment of Cinderella!

Blog 15: Arcitc Monkeys

Me: I'm obsessed with this song and I think that everyone should check it out; its pretty amazing. Here is a video to I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor by the Arctic Monkeys and the lyrics below! They started in 2006 but they have a really old-rock style and I love it!

[verse]
Stop making the eyes at me,
I'll stop making the eyes at you.
What it is that surprises me is that I don't really you to
And your shoulders are frozen (as cold as the night)
Oh, but you're an explosion but you're dynamite
Your name isn't Rio, but I don't care for sand
Lightning the fuse might in a bang with a bang-go

[chorus]
I said I bet that you look good on the dance floor
I don't know if you're looking for romance or what
Don't know what you're looking for
Well I bet that you look good on the dance floor
Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984
from 1984!

[verse]
I wish you'd stop ignoring me because you're sending me to despair,
Without a sound yeh you're calling me and I don't think it's very fair
That your shoulders are frozen (as cold as the night)
Oh, but you're an explosion (You're dynamite)
Your name isn't Rio but I don't care for sand
Lighting the fuse might result in a bang with a bang-go

[chorus]
I said I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
I don't know if you're looking for romance or what
I don't know what you're looking for
I said I bet that you look good on the dance floor
Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984
From 1984!

Video found at  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGCre4HgPLU

Blog 14: Favorite Grecian/Roman Myth

Psyche and Eros

The name "Psyche" means "Soul" and her union with Eros (aka Cupid) tells the story of how Love and Soul came to be together. By the way, this story is Roman, not Greek, but it works just as well with the Greek, so that is how I shall tell it. This myth had an enormous impact on fairy tales for the next couple of thousand years. Long, long ago a king had three daughters. Psyche, who was the youngest of the three daughters, was so incredibly beautiful that people in her village and outlying areas stopped praying to Aphrodite, taking Psyche for the Goddess of Beauty instead. That wasn't too good, because Aphrodite got mighty pissed off, and when that happens, you don't want to be on her bad side. She went straight to the source: the innocent Psyche. She grabbed Eros (in this version he is her son) and instructed him to make poor Psyche fall in love with the ugliest man on Earth. Eros, who had done jobs like this on his mother's behalf before, went down to Earth to find her. But when he did he, too, was stunned by her beauty. He was so stunned that as he lay his golden arrow on her heart, he pricked himself and fell in love with her then and there. He was so in love that he erased all of what he had done to her, and went away.After a while Aphrodite realized that her darling son hadn't quite done his job, for Psyche wasn't falling for anyone, let alone someone hideous. So, Aphrodite sent down a spell of her own on Psyche. As soon as this happened, not another suitor knocked upon their door. Her parents got worried; they wanted their youngest daughter to be a rich noblewoman at least. Psyche's mother, the queen, went off to the Oracle to hear what was wrong.

"Psyche will never marry a mortal. She shall be given to one who waits for her on yonder mountain; he overcomes Gods and men."

Poor parents, poor Psyche! It seemed that she was destined to marry a monster. No one wanted to let her go. Whether because of her physical beauty or the beauty of her soul, everyone LOVED Psyche. Psyche, however, saw the futility of her situation, and knew that she had angered Aphrodite, however mistakenly. She accepted what the Fates had decreed and told her parents to take her to the mountain and leave her for the beast. After many denials, they finally agreed and most of the country accompanied her to her supposed death. As she watched them leave, her heart cried out in sorrow and though she stayed firm with courage she could not stop the tear from trickling down her cheek. Zephyr, the kindly West Wind, saw her sorrow and bore her away to the valley below the mountain into soft grass in place of the harsh rock of the mountaintop. It was there that she woke. When she woke, she didn't see any monster around her but she did see a lush looking forest. Eager for the protection it could offer she went in. As she entered she heard the sound of water and followed it. Deeper and deeper into the forest she went until she found a bright pool with a fountain, and beyond it a beautiful palace. Then she heard a voice around her, its speaker invisible, telling Psyche that the palace was hers, and the invisible servants around her were to do her bidding. She was delighted and ran all around the palace finding all sorts of wonderful things waiting for her. At last she was tired and hungry and before she could ask a beautiful breakfast was laid out before her. That evening the palace grew dark and a new voice spoke to her. It was her husband! This voice was kind and loving, and she couldn't imagine that it was that of a monster. But that didn't stop her from wanting to see him. She begged him again and again to come in the daylight, but again and again he sadly refused telling her that the day she saw him was the day their happiness came to an end. It was Eros, of course, but he couldn't tell HER that. Eros was very kind to Psyche in every way that he could be - giving her invisible servants to wait on her every wish - but he never ever let her see his face, ominously warning her that the day she did it would be over. Psyche, though kind and happy with her mysterious husband, was a woman, and with that came an almost insatiable curiosity (according to the Greeks, and the Christians, and most others). She was afraid that she was married to a monster, and wanted to know his true visage. One night she told him that she missed her family, and could they be allowed to visit her, please? Eros heard the loneliness in her voice and agreed, but he knew that this would be their downfall. When her sisters arrived they were very eager to hear about her new life, and asked all about her husband. But when they heard of her arrangement they laughed at her and told her that they had heard she was married to a dragon who was fattening her up now, but would soon eat her. They urged her to take out the lamp one nights and look at him while he slept, carrying a dagger that she might kill him if he was indeed a dragon. At first she held out, remembering the warnings of her husband, but in the end curiosity won out, for she could keep the mocking voices of her sisters from her head. Finally, one night Eros went to sleep as usual, but Psyche remained awake. She took the oil lamp and lit it looking onto his face. Immediately she recognized his godliness and realized what had been going on. She was filled once again with love and contrition and worship, finally knowing who her husband was. But in her shock her hands trembled and she spilled some of the oil onto her lover. Eros awoke and saw the lamp and Psyche's sorrow and realized what she had done. He gave a cry of grief and then flew out the window. She realized now that she was truly abandoned for as she looked around her the palace had disappeared and she was again in the middle of the wood. Now begins a different part of the story. Psyche realized what she had done, but she was not about to give up her Love (literally) when she had just truly found it. On her own feet, she traveled to the houses of her sisters, married to their princes, and told the story of her treachery and its penalty. From there she left again, traveling she knew not where, only in search of her husband. At the end of the day she came upon a deserted hall filled with ears of corn and barley and wheat strewn all across the floor. Immediately she began picking up the mess and putting it together in a beautiful and decorative manner, making the deserted hall more like a temple. That is in fact what it was, and as she worked Demeter watched her, smiling at the goodness of her Soul. When Psyche had finished, Demeter appeared before her and said:

“Psyche, you are worthy of happiness, and you may yet have it. Go now to the temple of Aphrodite and pray for her forgiveness, perhaps she will reward your patience.”

Psyche was astonished that such an important goddess would show her favor, and left at once to do her bidding. She went to the temple of Aphrodite and humbly offered her prayer. But the jealous Aphrodite would not look at Psyche and said that if she truly desired repentance for her sins there was work enough. Saying this she led her into a room full of mixed grain, beans and lentils (the food of doves, Aphrodite's sacred bird), and bade Psyche sort them all into piles before the night was over. There was too much for Psyche to do on her own, but she settled down to do it anyway. As she was working a long train of ants came out of the crack in the wall, and helped her separate the piles. With their help the piles were separated by morning. Aphrodite returned to find the work done, and was even more angry, realizing that her son Eros had helped the girl. But instead of just sending the girl away, Aphrodite gave her some black bread and bade her sleep, saying she would need her wit for her next task. The next morning Psyche awoke to Aphrodite's impatient waiting.

“Go now to yonder grove where the sheep with the golden fleece are wont to browse. Bring me a golden lock from every one of them, or you must go your ways and never come back again.”

Then Aphrodite left her and Psyche prepared to cross the stream to the grove. But as she waded into the water the reeds swayed and the Naiads called out to her:

"Nay, nay, have a care, Psyche. This flock has not the gentle ways of sheep. While the sun burns aloft, they are themselves as fierce as flame; but when the shadows are long, they go to rest and sleep, under the trees; and you may cross the river without fear and pick the golden fleece off the briers in the pasture."

Psyche thanked the nymphs and did as they bade, and when Aphrodite returned Psyche gave her the fleece she had requested. Aphrodite was more enraged than ever, and cursed her son again for his help. This time she turned on Psyche, thrust a small box at her, and told her to descend to Persephone, the cold Queen of the Underworld, and bring back some of her beauty in the box - for Aphrodite was growing tired in tending her son. Poor Psyche, she knew what Aphrodite knew, that no human could venture to the Underworld and return. And she realized the Eros must have forsaken her, and held no more value to her own life, turning and preparing to make her descent. But as she prepared another voice whispered in her ear - it was Eros, but she did not know - and told her all the ways to avoid the dangers of the Underworld, and warned her also not to open the box once Persephone's beauty was inside. Psyche did as she was told, and before she knew it she was back in the sunlight on Gaia carrying the box. But as she traveled she thought to herself, Aphrodite does not need the beauty, but how will I please Eros as travel-worn as I am. And so she opened the box. But the spells of Gods are not meant for mortals and as she opened the box Psyche fell unconscious upon the ground. But Eros had recovered by now and was scouring the countryside for her. Soon he found her, woke her up and bade her return to Aphrodite and wait for him. Happily she did so, while Eros went to Olympus. On Olympus he told the feasting Gods his story, and begged them to appease to angry mother. The Gods, taken with the pure beauty of the tale agreed and summoned Aphrodite, soothing her until she was no longer angry. Then Hermes, the Messenger God, descended to Earth and brought Psyche back with him to Olympus. Once there, the gods bid the shy maiden to take the cup of ambrosia that Hebe held out to her. She took it, and upon drinking it blossomed into the fairest thing you've ever seen. Eros took her in his arms, and from that day on the two were never parted again.

Story from www.paleothea.com (edited version of the original story)

Me: This is my favorite myth because it is one of the only happy ending stories out of all the myths and because it teaches us that true love prevails through all, including evil (which in this case is Aphrodite). In a sense it is an original twist of Romeo and Juliet. I'm not a big fan of Romeo and Juliet only because the characters irritate me. In the story of Psyche and Eros there is love, hate, worship, fighting for what you believe, etc. It also teaches us a lesson about trust and loyalty which are two of the most important values. All round its a balanced story. Besides, all the other stories involve adultery and murder.

Note: In over 90% of the Greek myths Zeus cheats on his wife Hera with one or more creatures (male, female and animals). He's definitely not a one-woman-man and what I don't understand is why Hera takes her wrath out on the victims rather than her no good husband who deserves loads of punishment for his deeds. This is also another reason why the other myths don't appeal to me as much as this story of Psyche and Eros; Zeus isn't involved.

Blog 13: Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?

I'm not sure if there's a real answer to this question but in my opinion the only thing that ties them together is Edgar Allan Poe; he wrote on both. Not literally wrote on a raven but about a raven in not just his poem The Raven but also in many of his other works and he wrote on a desk (the one he also mentions in some of his pieces). Technically the two have nothing in common unless you want to go into details about the desk like its color or style which could relate it to a raven but other than that, there's nothing at all that comes to mind. Poe is just about the only thing that ties the two together; so there's my answer. I do wonder though, what made Lewis Caroll think about this? Its just an odd thing...but I guess if you think about it, the whole story of Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass is quite strange as well. I'm sure it all has a meaning behind it, whatever it is.

Blog 12: The Best of Anne Rice (Quotes)

“No matter how long we exist, we have our memories. Points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of ther beauty or their splendor. Rather they remain as hard as gems.”

“You do have a story inside you; it lies articulate and waiting to be written -- behind your silence and your suffering.”

“A writer can’t know everything about what she writes. It’s impossible. You reach deep down and you bring up what feels absolutely authentic to you as you move along with the book but you don’t know everything about it. You can’t.”

"None of us really changes over time. We only become more fully what we are."

"The world changes, we do not, therein lies the irony that kills us."

"Give me a man or woman who has read a thousand books and you give me an interesting companion. Give me a man or woman who has read perhaps three and you give me a very dangerous enemy indeed." 

"I have lived lies. I have done it again and again. I live lies because I cannot endure the weakness of anger, and I cannot admit the irrationality of love.-Marius"

"Ignore any loss of nerve, ignore and loss of self-confidence, ignore any doubt or confusion. Move on believing in love, in peace, and harmony, and in great accomplishment. Remember joy isn't a stranger to you. You are winning and you are strong. Love. Love first, love always, love forever. "

"To write something you have to risk making a fool of yourself."

"There is one purpose to life and one only: to bear witness to and understand as much as possible of the complexity of the world- its beauty, its mysteries, its riddles." 

"And what constitutes evil, real evil, is the taking of a single human life. Whether a man would die tomorrow or the day after or eventually... it doesn't matter. Because if God does not exist, then life... every second of it... Is all we have."

"The truth is, laughter always sounds more perfect than weeping. Laughter flows in a violent riff and is effortlessly melodic. Weeping is often fought, choked, half strangled, or surrendered to with humiliation." 

"We're frightened of what makes us different."

"One moment the world is as it is. The next, it is something entirely different. Something it has never been before."

"People who cease to believe in God or goodness altogether still believe in the devil... Evil is always possible. And goodness is eternally difficult."

"Whatever will happen will happen, but choose your companions with care. Choose them because you like to look at them and you like the sound of their voices, and they have profound secrets in them that you wish to know. In other words, choose them because you love them. Otherwise you will not be able to bear their company for very long."

"We all suffer under a curse, the curse that we know more than we can endure, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing we can do about the force and the lure of this knowledge."

"when we are weary, we speak lovingly of dreams as if they embodied our true deisres-What we WOULD have when that which we DO have so sorely disappoints us"

"And then it was, that grief and pain made themselves known to me as never before. Note this, because I knew the full absurdity of Fate and Fortune and Nature more truly than a human can bear to know it. And perhaps the description of this, brief as it is, may give consolation to another. The worst takes its time to come, and then to pass. The truth is, you cannot prepare anyone for this, nor convey an understanding of it through language. It must be known. And this I would wish on no one in the world."

"And the light shineth in darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. (John 1)"

"Heaven would be Hell in no time if every cruel, selfish, vicious soul went to Heaven."

"We can't stand it, to be alone. We cannot bear it, any more than the monks of old could bear it, men who though they had renounced all else for Christ's sake, nevertheless came together in congregations to be with one another, even as they enforced upon themselves the harsh rules of single solitary cells and unbroken silence. They couldn't bear to be alone.

We are too much men and women; we are yet formed in the image of the Creater, and what can we say of Him with any certainty except that He, whoever He may be--Christ, Yahweh, Allah--He made us, did He not, because even He in His Infinite Perfection could not bear to be alone."

"Suppose death had a heart to love and to release you, to whom would he turn this passion, would you chose a person from the crowd there. A person to suffer as you suffer."

"To be godless is probably the first step to innocence," he said, "to lose the sense of sin and subordination, the false grief for things supposed to be lost."
So by innocence you mean not an absence of experience, but an absence of illusions."
An absence of need for illusions," he said. "A love of and respect for what is right before your eyes."

"We can't stand it, to be alone. We cannot bear it, any more than the monks of old could bear it, men who though they had renounced all else for Christ's sake, nevertheless came together in congregations to be with one another, even as they enforced upon themselves the harsh rules of single solitary cells and unbroken silence. They couldn't bear to be alone.

We are too much men and women; we are yet formed in the image of the Creater, and what can we say of Him with any certainty except that He, whoever He may be--Christ, Yahweh, Allah--He made us, did He not, because even He in His Infinite Perfection could not bear to be alone."

"The finest thing under the sun and moon is the human soul. I marvel at the small miracles of kindness that pass between humans, I marvel at the growth of conscience, at the persistence of reason in the face of all superstition or despair. I marvel at human endurance."

"How pathetic it is to describe these things which can't truly be described."

“And all around me in this world I see evidence of love. I see love. I see it in the human struggle. I see its undeniable penetration in all that humans have accomplished in their poetry, their painting, their music, their love of one another and refusal to accept suffering as their lot."

"I am not times fool, nor a god hardened by the millennia; I am not the trickster in the black cape nor the sorrowful wanderer. I have a conscience. I know right from wrong I know what I do and yes, I do it.” 

"Very few beings really seek knowledge in this world. Mortal or immortal, few really ask. On the contrary, they try to wring from the unknown the answers they have already shaped in their own minds - justifications, confirmations, forms of consolation without which they can't go on. To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner."

"Don't be a pawn in somebody's game. Find the attitude which gives you the maximum strength and the maximum dignity, no matter what else is going on"

"In the moment of surrender, I let go of all the theological or social questions which had kept me from Him for countless years. I simply let them go. There was the sense, profound and wordless, that if He knew everything I did not have to know everything, and that, in seeking to know everything, I'd been, all of my life, missing the entire point. No social paradox, no historic disaster, no hideous record of injustice or misery should keep me from Him. No question of Scriptural integrity, no torment over the fate of this or that atheist or gay friend, no worry for those condemned and ostracized by my church or any other church should stand between me and Him….I didn't have to know how He was going to save the unlettered and the unbaptized, or how He would redeem the conscientious heathen who had never spoken His name. I didn't have to know how my gay friends would find their way to Redemption or how my hardworking secular humanist friends could or would receive the power of His Saving Grace. I didn't have to know why good people suffered agony or died in pain. He knew. And it was his knowing that overwhelmed me…"

"It didn't matter if God in his heaven was a Catholic or a Protestant God, or the God of the Hindus. What mattered was something deeper and older and more powerful than any such image - it was a concept of goodness based upon the affirmation of life, the turning away from destruction, from the perverse, from man using and abusing man. It was the affirmation of the human and the natural."

"So until we meet again, I am thinking of you always; I love you; I wish you were here...in my arms."

"Sometimes fear is a warning. It's like someone putting a hand on your shoulder and saying Go No Farther."

"There are so many books I mean to read, and things I mean to see."

"… in the relentless and meaningless manner one searches for something in a nightmare, coming on doors that won’t open or drawers that won’t shut, struggling over and over against the same meaningless thing, not knowing why the effort seems so desperate, why the sudden sight of a chair with a shawl thrown over it inspires the mind with horror. "

"A singer can shatter glass with the proper high note,' he said, 'but the simplest way to break glass is simply to drop it on the floor."

"Men and women are learning animals. If you do not see what they have learned, you're blind. They are creatures ever changing, ever improving, ever expanding their vision and the capacity of their hearts. You are not fair to them when you speak of this as the most bloody century; you are not seeing the light that shines ever more radiantly on account of the darkness; you are not. seeing the evolution of the human soul!… …True, what you say about war. Yes, and the cries of the dying, I too have heard them; we have all heard them, through all the decades; and even now, the world is shocked by daily reports of armed conflict. But it is the outcry against these horrors which is the light I speak of; it's the attitudes which were never possible in the past. It is the intolerance of thinking men and women in power who for the first time in the history of the human race truly want to put an end to injustice in all forms."

"We live in a world full of accidents finally in which on aesthetic principles have a consistency of which we can be sure. Right and wrong we will struggle with forever striving to create and maintain an ethical balance. Right and wrong we will struggle with forever, striving to create and maintain an ethical balance; but the shimmer of summer rain under the street lamps or the great flashing glare of artillery against a night sky – such brutal beauty is beyond dispute."

"When you find out there is no ultimate good and evil in which you can place your faith, the world does not fall apart at the seams. It simply means that every decision is more difficult, more critical, because you are creating the good and evil yourself and they are very real."

"Go where the pleasure is in your writing. Go where the pain is. Write the book you would like to read. Write the book you have been trying to find but have not found. But write. And remember, there are no rules for our profession. Ignore rules. Ignore what I say here if it doesn't help you. Do it your own way. Every writer knows fear and discouragement. Just write.The world is crying for new writing. It is crying for fresh and original voices and new characters and new stories. If you won't write the classics of tomorrow, well, we will not have any."

"My faith in Christ is central to my life. My conversion from a pessimistic atheist lost in a world I didn't understand, to an optimistic believer in a universe created and sustained by a loving God is crucial to me. But following Christ does not mean following His followers. Christ is infinitely more important than Christianity and always will be, no matter what Christianity is, has been, or might become."

"Knowledge drifts in and out of my mind", said Lestat with a little look of honest distress and a shake of his head. "I devour it and then I lose it and sometimes I can't reach for any knowledge that I ought to possess. I feel desolate, but then knowledge returns or I seek it out in a knew source."

“But you love books, then,” Aunt Queen was saying. I had to listen.

“Oh, yes,” Lestat said. “Sometimes they are the only thing that keeps me alive.”

“What a strange thing to say at your age,” she laughed.

“No, but one can feel desperate at any age, don’t you think? The young are eternally desperate,” he said frankly. “And books, they offer one hope —- that a whole universe might open up from between the covers, and falling into that new universe, one is saved.”

"We have such a terrible, terrible misconception of science. We think it involves the definite, the precise, the known; it is a horrid series of gates to an unknown as vast of the universe; which means endless."

"It is an awful truth that suffering can deepen us, give a greater luster to our colors, a richer resonance to our words. That is, if it doesn't destroy us, if it doesn't burn away the optimism and the spirit, the capacityt for visions, and the respect for simple yet indispensable things."

Found at www.goodreads.com

Blog 11: Judge, Jury, and Executioner/Side Note

I'm faced with a predicament: I know what I want in life and how to obtain and manage it but its going to be frowned upon by many and misunderstood. I swore to myself and others that I would do what I wanted in life no matter what because nothing should be an obstacle. This is how I plan to go about handling my situation with my head held high. But I'm not looking forward to having to explain myself to everyone and besides, the majority of them wouldn't understand it anyway so in a sense I'd be wasting my time and breath. I'm debating with myself if it would be better to tell everyone what's going on and why or if I should just remain silent about it all and let them think what they want. I guess they'd think what they'd want to anyway no matter what I said. You see my dilemma now: no matter what I say its not going to make the situation any better but I don't want people to get the wrong idea about the whole thing. I'm afraid that even the ones I'm closest to are still going to get it wrong and judge me...I don't know if I could handle that.This has been eating away at me for a few days now and I'm still unsure of what I should do. I feel as though even if its a waste I should explain the truth to those who criticize and let them think of me how they will; for better or for worse. Because what I'm doing with my life will not be changed or influenced by someone else's thoughts about it; that I will not allow. I have freedom and I'm going to use it to my fullest advantage (just as everyone else should).

On another note, I still find it interesting and kind of odd that by writing down your mental battles, rants and raves, it seems to clear it all up and make things better. I never actually expected that by doing so it would help. I mean, I've wrote out some of my more personal arguments and objections through someone else's point of view in a story but this is a bit different because its myself. And as I go back and re-read my previous blogs I find that how my mind works amazes me because it ranges from silly to serious and everything in between; its weird to think that I was the one who actually wrote them. I wouldn't give up writing for anything.

Blog 10: An Inspiration or Calling?

Have you ever felt so strong an attachment to something that it calls to you; like its a part of you? In ways you cannot comprehend, you understand it and bond with it more than anything else that you've ever encountered. I believe that everyone comes across this...this magic at least once in their lifetime. And I'm not talking about unconditional love for a human being or animal, but for a cause or idea; maybe a religion. There's never been so strong a calling to me than from the novel Pandora (1998) by Anne Rice. I view this book with a strong sense of compassion and understanding in such a way that I never thought possible for the human mind. I've never been so caught up in words of morals, religion, and politics in my entire life. It has a strong sense of what it means to be mortal, to be a woman, to be strong or cowardly...every human or religious value and moral that we're taught or that we learn are all wrapped up in the writings and story of a strong female character and the ones she both loves and hates. It is a realm of the unknown that is far beyond knowledge but so understood by the heart and the way that these characters base their life either on reason or whim provokes a strong relishing on my part. I feel for them because they strive to understand and to learn and to teach what is both right and wrong and the way that one should live and die. And with its historical value of the true ways of life in all the Roman, mortal, and immortal in their glory days and days of famine and drought. Its filled with contradictions for everything from knowledge to religion to philosophy to politics, etc. and never does it end. Throughout the entire novel the characters are back and forth with their wide ranged wit and quick tongues that it keeps the reader on their toes. And it makes you think to yourself about everything that they discuss over or disagree about. Whose side would you take if any? Do you have a different opinion or have they completed your sense of rationalizing what you hear? It makes you think about what you're truly like; breaking down the psyche of humans to the bare instincts that are bred into us. Who in this world can better understand who you are but yourself? I believe I've said this in a previous post but its something that I think about a lot in my spare time. Its a good question because most people go off of cliches and stereotypes to explain themselves and others when those should only be used to generalize if at all. No two people think the same way; they may have similar beliefs and ideas but never are they the exact same. Somewhere in their conscious or unconscious there is a difference in the way they perceive the world and all its inhabitants. That's the theme of this book: how we ourselves view the world and everything on or surrounding it. Its almost like my mind's quarrels are written down in another person's point of view and discussed between persons not just my own thoughts. There are very few other things in this world that I come close to understanding as much as I do this book (or at least feel that I do because the author could have had a very different view on the subject which goes back to my saying earlier about how we're all unique). I recommend this novel for anyone looking for a good read and an actual love or interest (or both) in what Ms. Rice has to offer in the writing. It's absolutely magnificent.

Blog 9: I've Found the Impossible

In a world where everything ends, it makes me worry and fear that maybe our love will too. In my heart I know that we will always love one another until nothingness exists but it doesn't stop the reality of mortality. Or is maybe that love is the only redeeming quality in a world where happy endings seem inevitable? I believe that we are strong enough to face a world of contradiction and prove to them that age has nothing to do with the quality of love and emotions. I know middle aged individuals who handle relationships worse than teenagers and it seems hypocritical for the elder to say the young don't know what love is. How would anyone but yourself know how you feel about someone else or even if its true? Mind readers are few and far between; if they're even real; and wouldn't be compelled to make everyone know who's lying about love...they'd have the majority of the population faking it. What is it about you that makes me believe that true love is real? There are so many qualities that you possess that make my heart stop and take my breath away. It feels magnificent to be in a world where love is so rare and to actually have it in my life. No one else could bring forth the light in me and before you it spent years hiding, waiting for you come along and sweep me off my feet. You're better than my dream guy because you're real; even though you seem like a dream. Too good to be true...only it is. So does that make perfection; I'd say so. You are a wonder to me and I'll never let you go; just like you said. I could write thousands of words and it still wouldn't be enough to describe how absolutely in love I am with you or how amazing you truly are. But I know three words that sum it up quite well: I love you. And in a world where is supposedly doesn't exist, I'd say we're the lucky ones.

Blog 8: Favorite X-Men Character

Out of all the X-Men I'd have to say that Rogue is my favorite. She portrays a strong but beautiful woman with the ability to steal someone else's power and use it. I would definitely love this ability more so than any other because its useful and way cool. I believe that the comic book version of her was by far the best and the cartoon is a close second; I think that they did a horrible job at picking the actress who played her in the movies. 

Photo found at www.photobucket.com

Blog 7: Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance

Gravity don't mean too much to me
I'm who I've got to be
These pigs are after me, after you

Run away like it was yesterday
And we could run away
If we could run away,
Run away from here

I gotta bulletproof heart
You gotta hollow point smile
We had our run away scarves,
Got a photograph dream on the getaway mile.

Let's blow a hole in this town
And do our talking with the laser beam.
Coming out of this place
In a bullet's embrace
Then we'll do it again.

How can they say, Jenny won't you come back home?
'Cause everybody knows you don't
Ever wanna come back, let me be the one to save you.

Gravity don't mean too much to me
I'm who I've got to be.
These pigs are after me, after you

Run away like it was yesterday
When we would run away,
When we could run away, run away from here.

I'm shooting out of this room
Because the sure don't like the company
You stop your preaching right there
Because I really don't care
And I'll do it again.

So get me outta my head.
'Cause it's getting quite cramped, you know.
Coming ready or not
When the motor gets hot
We can do it again.

The papers say, Johnny won't you come back home?
'Cause everybody knows you don't wanna give yourself up
Tell the truth and God will save you

Gravity don't mean too much to me
I'm who I've got to be
These pigs are after me, after you

Run away like it was yesterday
And we could run away,
And we could run away, run away from here.

And though I know how much you hate this
Are you gonna be the ones who save us
From the black and hopeless feeling
Will you meet 'em when the end comes reeling?

Hold your heart into this darkness
Will it ever be the light to shine you out
Or fall and leave you stranded
Or are you gonna be the one left standing?
You're gonna be the one left standing.
You're gonna be the one left standing.

Gravity don't mean too much to me
Is this our destiny?
This world is after me, after you

Run away like it was yesterday
And we could run away, run away, run away,
Run away from here.
Yeah, away from here.
Away from here.

My Chemical Romance Bullet Proof Heart lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/my-chemical-romance-bullet-proof-heart-lyrics.html

Me: This song is from their new Danger Days album that just came out in 2010 after their break. Its hard to believe that their lead singer Gerard Way is already 33 years old with a wife and baby girl; its crazy! Their music is still lively and emotional and its definitely a transition from their "emo" stage. Synthetic Rock is their calling and I never get bored from listening to them (not that I ever did). For some reason I find myself attracted to this song although I'm not sure why. Maybe its because in a sense, its talking about freedom and that is something I cherish above almost everything else; heck its what I fight for.

Blog 6: Was There Conspiracy in the JFK Assassination?

In the beginning I believed in a conspiracy of the J.F.K. assassination only because I know our government is too tricky and complicated to leave it as it was. As we learned more and more of the evidence and truth of the assassination I didn’t believe that it was possible for all of the events that occurred could have happened if there was a conspiracy behind it all; it’s much too complicating and unattached. Looking into it all, including the assassins, the evidence showed is too strong to convict more than those convicted. Old and new technological evidence points to only one shooter in the JFK assassination. That shooter is Lee Harvey Oswald. He was a Marine Sharpshooter and used that to his advantage when he bought his rifle (much like the one he used as a Marine) and got off 3 shots in less than 8 seconds. Seemingly impossible but tested and proved possible by scientists. Many theories coincide with his three bullets including many number of the ‘bullet theories’ so to speak. One of the most popular being the single bullet theory stating that the second bullet shot hit both Kennedy and Conally (this was also technologically proven). Oswald was a loner starving for attention in the most extreme ways he could seek it, and as a result was a Communist and even lived in Soviet Russia. Despite his strong beliefs (fake or not) he was not accepted by either the USSR or Cuba in his lifetime, therefore cutting off all ties to conspiracy. Witnesses even stated that he would have done it alone and he acted as guilty as a man could without revealing himself by shooting an officer (Tippit) the same day of the assassination. Even though Oswald never confessed to the assassination of JFK, it was evident for many reasons that he alone had committed the crime.

Blog 5: Who was Jack the Ripper?

“Catch me when you can” is known as the infamous quote of Jack the Ripper sent to a man named Lusk along with half a woman’s kidney. Jack the Ripper was known for his brutal mutilation of his victims, who were only women. The only thing his victims had in common was that they were all prostitutes of London’s East End by White Chapel Road. Now, the movies portray Jack as a classy man in a top hat carrying a knife. This is a false statement. Having Jack look like that would only scare the women away when evidence shows that they took him into private places. It was decided that Jack was a common man who was able to slip easily in and out of the crowd. Some even thought that Jack was an American doctor, Doctor Tumbletee. He was said to be homosexual and according to behavioral analyst, serial killers generally kill those that they are attracted to. That ruled him out of the suspect area even though he was known as a quack. Since October of 2009, a suspect by the name of Robert Mann was brought up in the Jack the Ripper case. I looked into this theory as well as put together pieces of my own theory to come up with my ideal Jack the Ripper. I believe that he was MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) and that he himself was weak, shy, poor, and insignificant to the world as a whole. There was one woman, his mother, who was there for him but she would have died when he was a young boy so that he would have had to work in a work house. Later on in his years he had a woman or lover, maybe even someone he stalked, leave him for another man or was a prostitute. He became angry and in this fit of rage and pity he would have created his other personalities such as the protector, the charmer and the intellect. Each one would take on a role during the murders, ranging from the premeditation to the deed to the writing of letters to the police and other people out to find him. At first the killings made him feel powerful and manly even, but as they continuously became more horrific, he would become naturally guilty for everything that “he” did. Robert Mann was a Morgue assistant which only made sense with the personality and traits that Jack would have had. He was said to have had fits, this could be explained by the multiple personalities dwelling within him. I do believe that all of the letters written were his but not all by the same personality. According to each murder a personality committed they would have written their own letter; each having the same repetitive symbol and their own unique touch. This would help explain the differentiation in the mutilation of each victim that Jack was said to have had in his time of killing. As the murders stopped, Robert Mann would have either been put into an Insane Asylum or committed suicide, or both. He would have crazed himself with guilt and what he had done that it would drive him further into insanity, possibly even enough for him to off himself. There are many theories and suspects to the Jack the Ripper case that one would have to take years to look through and even start to come up with a plausible and unique theory of their own. But Jack was the star of all serial killers in history, despite the fact that he had the least amount of victims in his 10 weeks of murders. He is the elusive man that no one caught…or had they? I am presuming that it will be centuries, maybe never, that we find out who the real Ripper was. Until he’s discovered, the world will only continue to breed and feed the story into the society and youth to keep the case alive.

Blog 4: My Opinion on the "Assassination" of Julius Caesar

Julius Caesar, an infamous man whose death was more epic than his life. I believe that Caesar did in fact have some knowledge and input in his own “assassination” which is more like a suicide. Facts support that he knew something was up long before the deed was done and that he did nothing to stop what was happening to him. Days before his murder, Caesar starting to act more like a King, evidence is that he brought the Egyptian queen, Cleopatra back to Rome to be his mistress while he was still married to his third wife, Calpurnia and that he started to wear the color purple which symbolized royalty. He also disrespected the Senate repeatedly in full public view. On one occasion he didn’t stand as they made him into a demi-god and the other time when they tried to present a crown to him which he refused. These actions could have only been to provoke the Senate into action, along with his yelling, whether out of madness or desperation: “Kill me now, I won’t resist.” Days closer to his death, Caesar received warning from both a Soothsayer and his wife about his murder on the 15^th of March. On the exact day he was to be killed, clearly having been warned prior, he dismissed his personal body guard and was found with a warning note from a teacher clutched in his hand from the coroner. Caesar was a man of great pride and vanity and he wouldn’t have wanted to die due to his embarrassing illness of epilepsy. He would rather have died than ruin his image; which was more important than his reputation. I believe that Caesar knew what was going to happen and used it to his advantage to create a better image of himself than what he already had. He became “immortal” in a sense, which was his ultimate goal.

Blog 3: His Jars of Souls

Death takes on many forms; sucking the life out of a shell-like body's soul and greedily adding it to his collection. In a jar, he keeps the writhing pained souls of the damned, and in another he keeps the laughing happy souls of the blessed (which he has no control over). Separate only by glass; much like in the mortal world; so that all the beauty and all the ugliness can be seen by all. In this realm, no one can hide; not even from themselves. Time does not exist in a world where time is not needed but rather dreaded; for the longer you stay, the more chance you have of doing wrong in the Creator's eyes. Fate has little to do with where you end up, she only predicts the “when” factor of the equation. So the moral of the story is: do good deeds when living and after death never give up your heart of gold; not for anything. Temptation is fine in moderation but make sure that you do not stray from the path of light or else Death will not be afraid to take you under his broken wing. Which jar you end up in all depends on you...whether you want to explore raw passion through evil, sinful ways or through light, accepting ways. The clock is ticking and no one knows for sure how much sand is left in the top of the hour glass. But there is always time for redemption which is what every man should strive for; even if he thinks he's already obtained it because it can always be demolished. Pray and do no wrong and the Creator will give his blessings to you and your family just like in the times of old; he is forever watching. But never fail to remember that Death is always lurking in the shadows and will strike when it is his time to strike; always precise like the snake he takes form of so often in legend. Beware and be cautious but never live your life in fear; the Creator will always make amends.

Blog 2: The Tattle Tale Heart

How can one's heart still beat even when their one true love isn't there to help them? Its been more than 12 hours since I last looked into his eyes and I already miss the warm glitter. I'll never forget the sound of his voice or the touch of his hand; its far too special. It's hard to believe that he's thousands of miles away from me when only this morning he was in my arms. I don't want to believe its real that he's gone. For months we'll be apart and all we have is phone calls and video chat which are poor substitutes for the real thing. I don't know how I'm going to sleep at night knowing that he won't be there for me to cuddle and wake up to in the morning; just an image of his form. As much as it all hurts and the waiting sucks, I will never give up; he is more than worth the wait. I had to wait years for him to make a move and it was the most beautiful thing so I can wait a few months to hold him again. I've never felt such feelings; such love. He truly is a miracle and I'll never let him go. He's the only man that I want and the last one I want to kiss. I'm promised to him and it makes my heart melt each time I think about it. He's going to be there for me through thick and thin and never once lose his love for me and even when we're 80 he's going to be loving me the same. Nothing can contain such joy and beauty that comes from true love and we're not afraid to let the world know how much we adore one another. I'll miss him more than my mind can comprehend and love him more than my heart can flutter. If angels can be sent to earth, he's definitely on the list. Never have I met a man so wonderful as him and I don't think I ever will. He's the only man that I want and need and he's true. Surreal and dreamlike but definitely true; I'll never trust someone like I trust him. In words that are so overused but so often needed: I love him. And I will until the existence of nothingness reigns the world. He's in my prayers.

Blog 1: Why Take Creative Writing?

Have you ever felt a passion; a deep burning desire within yourself? I have. This passion that consumes my soul is for writing. For as long as I can remember, I've always felt this yearning to put my mind on paper so that the world could know what I was thinking; what I was really like. When the opportunity to take a Creative Writing course jumped out at me, I snatched for it real quick. It is a way to express myself with written words rather than spoken ones; which everyone who's close to me knows that it takes preparations for me to be able to talk about myself aloud. Writing comes more naturally to me than speaking and I'd much rather spend my time doing something I love rather than trying to pass the time doing something I'm not comfortable with. It was also because of my motivational teacher that I took the class; she's always been supportive of me and willing to help with what she can. I adore her for that, even if I'm not vocal about it. I am determined to continue writing throughout my entire life; I could never give up something that allows such freedom...never.